Read Alexander Outland: Space Pirate for Free Online

that? Well, Randolph, clearly, but what normal person?
    “Well, only when she wants to. I mean, I would never force myself on her. And, you know, there are times when it’s nicer to cuddle.”
    Tried to think of when that would be. Came up blank. “You two cuddle? Isn’t she kind of… hard?”
    “Well, I used an aluminum alloy from Quinsarti, which, when combined with…” Randolph was still talking. My mind shut off. He could go for hours about this. About ten minutes later he sounded like he was finishing up. “…and so, she’s supple, almost humanoid. We’re still discussing whether or not to put a skin on her or just let her stay metallic. It’s up to her, of course.”
    “Of course.” I wondered what bizarre discovery I was going to make
about the Governor and Slinkie next. Maybe they were passionate lovers. Maybe I’d let myself out of the airlock when we were in deep space if this were so. “So, how does the new Audrey help fly the ship?”
    No sooner were the words out of my mouth than I literally knew what Randolph’s answer was going to be. “She can now function as a full copilot.”
    “You mean she hooks into the main ship’s computer again and does her usual job?” It was worth a shot, after all.
    “No. I mean she can actually fly. By sitting in the copilot’s seat. It’ll make things better—I’ll be able to stay in Engineering, Slinkie can stay in Weapons.”
    “Randolph, the two of you never stay in your assigned seats. It’s sort of a given, our crew’s thing. You plop your butt into the copilot’s chair, Slinkie hangs around behind us. I’m used to it.”
    “When Jack was copilot he sat in the chair.”
    “Yeah. You’re talking about the guy I willingly turned in to the authorities on Omnimus because he was such a jerk he was stealing from all of us, as well as everyone else.”
    “He did take the definition of pirating a little far, yeah.”
    “I don’t miss having a real copilot.”
    Randolph sighed. “Nap, I know you’re lying. You were really happy when Saladine was with us.”
    “That has nothing to do with this.” I managed not to snarl. I was proud of myself.
    “It’s not your fault he was killed, you know.”
    “I don’t need a copilot. Are you insinuating that I need a copilot?”
    “No.” Randolph was doing his best to sound soothing. “We’re the only ship to make it through to Herion in, what, the last six months. You’re the best pilot out there, we all know that. But even the best can use help. Audrey’s been your auto-helper for years now. She knows how you fly, how you like to do things.”
    “Yeah? She know that I like to have warning of imminent destruction sooner than fifteen seconds?”
    He coughed. “She was just asserting her sense of humor—she
told me she would have shut things down before we self-destructed. I mentioned that, in the future, she should feel free to share without waiting to be asked.”
    My head hurt. “So, your girlfriend is now going to be my copilot?”
    “We’re engaged.”
    I was proud of myself. I didn’t scream, I didn’t throttle him. I just nodded. “Wise. Get her off the market before someone with more to offer comes along.”
    “Yeah, that’s what I thought.” He was serious. I wondered about the rumors that too much time out in space caused mental issues. I’d thought it was a load of droppings, myself, but Randolph was showing that it might possibly be true.
    “By the way, why’d you put her in that dress?”
    “Oh, the model I used wore that.”
    “Huh. Well, she fills it out nicely.”
    “I only make the best, Nap.”
    “True. True.” The best Sexbot, the best case for insanity, the best example for why having a pleasure princess on staff would have been a wise choice, no matter what Slinkie’s opinion was. The list went on and on.
    “So, what did you want to ask Audrey? About our getting off Herion safely, or whatever else your plan is?” Randolph asked this without any sarcasm.
    I