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your medicine and get well, get old and there’s your pneumonia waiting round the corner the last best friend where the, damn. Bleeding again here, spill this water and that’s the end, notes clippings books in one sodden heap better to bleed to death if this is the only reason not to, this work of mine trying to explain this other it’s not Golyadkin no, it’s not his doppelgänger who’s gone with his bed in the morning when Petrushka brings in tea and explains that his master is not at home, shouting You idiot! I’m your master, Petrushka! and the “other one,” Petrushka finally blurts out, the “other one” left hours ago it’s not like that, this doppelgänger of Golyadkin’s I’ve never even seen my, seen this plagiarist because I am the other one it’s exactly the opposite, I am the other I just said that didn’t I? It’s exactly the opposite, sit here chatting like Seneca cutting his veins in the bath minute I stand up I am the other, we’re not these Golyadkins we’re not doppelgängers, it’s either/or, it’s all-or-none, it’s this whole binary digitized pattern of holes punched in those millions of dusty piano rolls why I’ve got to find Dodds in these piles somewhere here while I’m thinking clearly, you see? Talks about the detachable self that can be withdrawn from the body, some kind of religious community Pythagoras set up with the idea of lives to come, and these dangerous demons with lives and energies of their own according to Homer was it? That aren’t really part of yourself since you can’t control them but they can force you to do things you wouldn’t do otherwise before we get to the belly-talkers you hear about from Aristophanes and Plato they, good God sitting here alone in a room like something washed up from the ocean to have somebody, to have something to talk to! This second voice inside them they had conversations with and predicted the future in hoarse belly-voices and and, names? did they have names? Hello? Call him, hello Strabo? Call him Strabo, hello? You there? Rrrrrrrr. Damn. Talk to me, tell me what the, you hear me? Maybe only speaks Greek, song and dance man, tum tum ti tum, tum tum ti hey! Predict the future for me then, hear me? This surgery, I have to know, foretell the future for me, have this surgery or these chemicals doing the same thing put me out of business? Strip the romantic veil off the naked animal’s only, only, good God what am I doing talking to a, this detachable self, can’t control it, it’s not my fault makes you do things you wouldn’t stop. Stop. Got to stop and go back make a fresh start when I find what I was looking for in this mess point is the first thing, point is to avoid stress get me, get my breath and avoid stress, newspapers tangled up in the sheets here reading the obituaries there are people dying I’ve never even heard of, haven’t had a drink for seven years. Problem with Plato, what are the soft and drinking harmonies? Softness indolence drunkenness are unbecoming always giving you a rap across the knuckles looking for moral improvement the first thing, point is the first thing is to avoid stress what those Ionian and Lydian harmonies are for, help you avoid stress, avoid stress, avoi, no, no stop right here. Minute you’re looking for something, doing something for pleasure he raps your knuckles banished the Lydian the Ionian, the rhythm, the instrument, goes right down the list. The harp and the lyre but only simple versions no fancy corners or complex scales must be in this pile, got to find Dodds on the Corybantes under here careful, carefully avoid stress worse than all the stringed instruments put together, isn’t flute playing an art that seeks only pleasure? Out! Banished from his Republic and a little lecture there on good citizenship at the end of the Crito when Socrates says the sound of the