Read Abuse: The Complete Trilogy for Free Online

to me of what you really wish to discuss?”
    “What do you
mean?”
    “You know what I
mean.”
    I sigh heavily.
“It’s difficult.”
    “Do you trust
me?”
    “Yes.”
    “ Oui, eh bien .”
He throws his hands into the air. “You embrace this secret so tightly. As if it
is the greatest of lovers, you keep it close. You protect it.”
    “No.”
    His gaze on mine,
he bends toward me. “ Oui, oui , it is true! You think you hold this secret, but je suis désolé ,
I am most sorry. This secret, it is a tyranny of the soul, for it holds
you, n'est-ce pas? ”
    I run my hand
through my hair. The tips of my fingers catch on the thickened skin of my
facial scars. I know that I’d planned to talk about my concerns eventually, but
how the hell do I start?
    “My friend,” he
asks in a low, quiet voice. “Have you murdered someone who should not have been
killed?”
    Shit.
    I school my face
to remain composed, but my heart skips a few beats and then jumps into
overdrive.
    Murderer.
    My mind’s in a
whirl. Shit! Shit! Shit! How did he figure this out? He has no idea how
on target his question is. Except this isn’t what I want to discuss with him.
This is another secret I’m hiding.
    One I plan to
take to my grave.
    Arms crossed,
eyes narrowed, he studies me with his penetrating gaze. Suddenly, he uncrosses
his arms and bursts into unexpected laughter.
    “What?” I say,
irritated. I sure as hell can’t see what’s funny.
    André shrugs his
shoulders, in that uniquely French way of his. “ Mon ami , when I have a
client who is unwilling to speak to me of his or her transgressions, I use what
I have christened, “The Murder Technique.” It is when I ask them if they have
killed someone.”
    “OK.”
    “And always, when
I ask this, my client will reply, “But no! I only stole from them!” Or they
will speak of some lesser crime, like destroying another’s valuable possessions
for revenge, or sleeping with another man’s wife, comprenez-vous?”
    Despite the
excruciatingly awkward circumstance, I feel an amused smirk begin to twitch my
lips.
    Grinning, André nods.
“Just so. For the first time, I ask this question and you have murdered
someone. But… it is during war, in the service of your country, I think?”
    My jaw tightens.
It wasn’t during war, but I say nothing. I’ll never tell.
    “Do you wish to
speak of this?”
    “No.”
    “ Bon. ” He
nods once more. “Very well then, for this is not to our purpose. For months,
you have chosen to remain silent.” He throws one elegant hand up in the air.
“It is enough! Let there be truth between us now. This shame has held you for
far too long.”
    Our eyes meet and
I say nothing.
    I’m not sure I
can.
    “Courage, my
friend. You have always intended to tell me of this great secret of yours.”
André stands up and turns in a circle. “Here—” he gestures to the wide-open
country before us—“here and now is the perfect moment to do it.”
    I shift
restlessly as the log I’m sitting on is suddenly uncomfortable. Even in the
shade, the sun is searing and relentless—yet this heat I’m feeling comes from
inside. I suppress the impulse to get up.
    To move.
    To run.
    I stare off into
the sky. A bird of prey, a lone hawk or perhaps an eagle is circling overhead.
I wish I could fly away with him.
    After licking dry
lips, I finally draw in a deep breath and tell André what’s bothering me.
    “I think I may be
gay.”
    “Oh?” He sits
down beside me once more and asks with mild interest. “And why should you think
this?”
    I inhale a deep
breath and open my mouth to speak, but something stops me. It’s as if a gate
has fallen down, trapping my tongue. Like some sort of physical and mental
roadblock, I can’t get around it.
    André seems aware
of my problem. He tranquilly asks, “Do you wish to have sex with a man?”
    “No!”
    He raises one
eyebrow in query. “And the thought of two men pleasuring each other?”
    I hesitate for a
fraction