donât have time to be distracted by other peopleâs problems. The solo that Ethan choreographed for me is good, but I need it to be sensational, unforgettable. I should be focused on my own performance but instead Iâm thinking about Tara. Typical Tara, dragging everyone else into her personal drama. I so donât need this now.
I sit in front of the mirror in the dressing room, trying to gain focus. This is my story, my chance, not Taraâs. Saskia comes in with a costume bag. I have to get out whatâs on my mind, so I can focus on me.
âI was just coming to talk to you about Tara,â I say. âIâm worried about her.â
âMe too,â Saskia says. âThe judges are going to annihilate her this afternoon.â
She sits down. âI know this is a lot to put on your shoulders, but I need at least one girl to go through to the Nationals. And Grace is unpredictable.â
Sheâs right and obviously Iâm going to do everything I can to get through to the finals. Then she unzips the dress bag and pulls out a pair of red shoes.
âHow well do you know The Red Shoes ?â she asks.
âIâve seen Tara struggle through it a zillion times. But what about the piece Ethan choreographed for me?â
â The Red Shoes , when itâs performed right â unbeatable,â Saskia suggests.
Not the conversation I expected. I am worried about Tara, but if sheâs not going to help herself, why should I do it for her? If Saksia thinks I can carry off The Red Shoes , I should. My mind flashes to Ethan and the work heâs put in. But this is the Prix de Fonteyn, the biggest competition in the world. Emphasis on competition . If Iâm not going to compete, why am I here?
I take the red shoes.
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Later as Iâm applying my make-up, Ethan comes in to wish me luck. Heâs worn the same socks for three days. Nice. âItâs a good luck ritual,â he explains.
âUnnecessary. Iâve decided to go with another solo.â Thereâs no point letting him down gently. He laughs, thinking Iâm joking. But I donât joke, not about dance.
âWeâve been working on it for weeks,â he says. âI know itâs risky going with new choreography but you are going to be fantastic.â
Being hard is the only way I know I can do this. âItâs amateurish. You might need it for your showreel, but I can do better.â
âThen you do that Abigail,â he says and slips out, leaving the memory of his image in the mirror. I close my eyes, grit my teeth and hope Iâm doing the right thing.
Saskia walks me backstage when itâs time for the girlsâ solos. Iâm in the white dress and carrying the shoes. Anyone who sees us will know exactly what Iâm going to do.
âYouâre going to have to dig deep in the piqué turns.â Saskia seems even more nervous than me.
âI wasnât planning on coasting,â I say, annoyed at all the last minute advice.
âAnd the posé in attitudes â focus on your upper body. Taraâs expressive,â she says. âThereâs no point doing this if youâre not going to be better than her.â
I stop, suddenly realising why Saskia wants me to perform. All semester sheâs been entertainingly vocal about how crap Tara is at this solo. And now ⦠I know why she hates Tara so much. Sheâs jealous.
âI knew Tara was good, but I just never thought she was good enough to scare you.â The youngest principal in the history of the company and sheâs scared someone might perform The Red Shoes better than her. I thought she was inspirational, someone to look up to, but sheâs not. Sheâs just another person using me to play her own games.
She picked the wrong girl. Thereâs only one solo Iâm going to perform. Mine. âExcuse me,â I say. Iâve got to change my