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whichever one they are." I don't think I've ever heard anything sadder than this quote. Yet it gave me hope. It gave me permission to keep loving my daughter as long as she was with me.
What can you do to gather a sense of love around you? Is there anyone you can call for support? When you hear the words unconditional love, which people come to mind? Have you met other parents whose children are suicidal? Have you talked with any of them and asked if you may call if you're feeling upset and offered your phone number too? Ask them for help now. To sit with you. To listen to you. To be available to you.
Then think of what you can do in your life to set up a network that will continue beyond this crisis. What do you need more of in your life? What would be the most relaxing and happy way to be with other people? Imagine yourself in a serene and beautiful place. Picture yourself at peace.

 

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7
Courage: Giving Your Child Support
Courage is the price that life exacts for granting peace. AMELIA EARHART
Anyone who agrees to go into a treatment program is showing great courage. Affirm your child's courage. Say things like, "I am so proud of you for having the courage to get better." Or, "I'm here for you." Consider what treat you could bring your child the next time you visit.
Each child may need different kinds of support. Rachel was happy when her aunt brought her family photos. Some children want to talk about what is happening. Other children become angry in treatment because it's the first time they've felt safe enough to express anger. So what will your role as a parent be?
Be open, be available, be ready to look at your own issues, and be ready to confront the treatment

 

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center staff if things don't seem to be going well. Adolescent treatment centers sometimes seem to blame the parentsyou may feel that you are seen as the problem. Be ready to be open to your own failings and to stick up for yourself. You have the right to see the records, to have your concerns entered on the chart, to be consulted. Even though our children are almost adults, we are still the ones who are legally and ethically responsible for their well-being. It is frightening to turn them over to an institution.
Express Positive and Negative Feelings
The treatment center gave Rachel a break from her regular life. She loved occupational therapy. She met other kids who could identify with her depression. They helped each other with their self-esteem exercises. They traded information about ways to kill themselves and concluded that all methods were pretty gross, painful, ineffective, and difficult. There is no guaranteed way to die a painless death. There is no way to try to kill yourself with any certainty that you won't be physically disabled for life. Adolescents adopt a raw honesty when talking directly about suicide that can seem quite cold, but this coldness helped me get a grip on talking further about the subject. A year ago, I would never have been able to say, ''I don't want to hear

 

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about you 'carving' on yourself with razors." Now I can say that in a conversational tone of voice. You may not think this is progress but in reality it was part of mine, and possibly yours.
Fight for Your Child's Rights
I had to stick up for Rachel's needs. That meant fighting with the treatment center about getting her into their day treatment program rather than going back to high school right away. I believed she was simply too fragile to go back to school. I had to fight for my rights as a parent, my rights to be consulted. Other parents I know have also had to fight both major and minor injustices. Examples include
· Mental health professionals who refer to parents in the third person as in, "What does Mom/Dad think about this?" while looking straight at us.
· Mental health professionals who start a meeting by reading the chart for twenty minutes, ignoring the clients in the room.
· Mental health professionals who call meetings