a barrage of eye daggers through the back of Todd’s skull. “Okay. Welcome, Fiona. Welcome, Todd. I think it’s obvious that we need to begin this session by addressing what happened earlier at the mock wedding ceremony. Todd, would you like to start?”
“Ha! Why does he get to start?” I blurted. Maggie Klein turned her head to me the exact way an owl does when it’s scoping out its prey. “Because Todd was 44 Kristin Walker
here first, Fiona.” Her head swiveled back to Todd. “Now, tell me, Todd. Why did you think it was acceptable to bring that doll to the wedding?”
Why did he what? Acceptable? Um, hello? Where was the part where she yells at him and he gets in trouble?
“Well, Maggie,” he cooed, “I noticed that some of my classmates were a bit . . . well, uptight about the marriage education course. So I took it upon myself to add some levity to what was surely a stressful moment for many of my fellow seniors.”
Hold the phone. What was Todd up to? I sat up higher in my cushioned chair and watched him.
“Todd, I understand your desire to help your fellow students,” Maggie Klein said, reaching over to adjust a vase of daisies on her pristine desk. “And although your motives may be honorable, you must understand that your actions were disturbing. Can you see that?”
I snorted. Loud.
“Fiona? You will get your turn to speak in a moment. Now, Todd. Do you understand how your actions in the auditorium could be taken as something other than funny?”
Todd furrowed his brow and nodded. “I do understand that. Believe me; I had a totally different objective.”
Yeah, I bet you did, you jackhole . For a second I imagined grabbing the wooden Buddha off Maggie Klein’s bookshelf and using it to give Todd’s face a totally different objective. But of course, I didn’t. I pride myself on restraint. Maggie Klein continued. “And you realize that a doll like that represents the objectification of women in a most deprecating way?”
CHAPTER 6
45
Aha. All right. Finally she was going to let loose. She must’ve been one of those roundabout hell givers. The kind who trick you into getting comfortable and thinking the noose is a necktie. Until they sneak up behind you and pull the lever.
Todd shook his head and leaned toward Maggie Klein.
“Objectify women? Me? Come on, Maggie, do you really think I’m the kind of person to objectify women?” He flashed his phony smile at her.
Maggie Klein melted in front of me. “No, of course not,”
she said, returning his smile, and throwing a few girly giggles in on top. Todd had slipped out of the noose. “I’m glad we cleared that up.” She clapped her hands together and said,
“Okay! I think we can really start this session from a place of peace now.”
Todd looked at me and beamed. His charming bullshit was getting him off scot-free, and he knew it. Wow.
It seemed that I had grossly underestimated the Nonecked Neanderthal. I slammed my hands down on the arms of my chair and cried, “What the hell ?”
Maggie Klein issued a condescending sigh and said,
“Fiona, in my office, there is no yelling, and no cursing. All communication is done in a mature, constructive fashion. Do I make myself clear?” She gave me what I suppose was meant to be a stern face. Looked more like the side effects of severe constipation.
“No,” I said, “you don’t make yourself clear. Nothing 46 Kristin Walker
you’ve said makes any freaking sense at all. How is it that this jerk-face can humiliate me in front of the whole entire student body, and you don’t bat an eye? But if I say the word hell in your office, then you get mad? No , Maggie Klein, that is not clear at all.”
Maggie Klein blinked a few times and said, “Humiliate you? What makes you think Todd’s little antics were directed at you?”
Todd leaned over the arm of his chair. “Yes, Fiona. Why on earth would you think that was about you? Hmmmm ?”
I sat there with my yap open. Maggie