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and yelled, “PRESENTING PRINCESS
    PISSPANTS!” A handful of underclassmen laughed. Then more joined in. Then Todd’s bonehead buddy started chanting, “PRINCESS PISSPANTS, PRINCESS PISSPANTS,” and soon everyone was either cracking up or chanting along. Principal Miller said, “All right! Quiet down,” but no one really did. Todd marched down the risers with the doll on his arm and paraded it up the aisle as everyone cheered. I stood alone on the stage. Well, me and the principal, who shuffled me to the edge and shooed me off. Evidently, she had become quite skilled at pretending not to notice things.
    I toddled down the risers and stood frozen at the bottom. Everyone was chanting louder than ever. And laughing. And pointing. At me. I had no idea what to do or where to go. Suddenly, I saw Marcie striding toward me. She took my arm and walked me up the aisle. Johnny met us halfway and someone shouted, “Ooh, a threesome!” But I was beyond caring. All I wanted was to get out of there. Well, that—and to figure out a way to pay Todd back.
    We got through the doors to the vestibule outside the auditorium, and Johnny asked, “Are you okay?”
    “No, I’m not okay,” I said. “That goddamn bastard.” I looked around the vestibule for him, but he was nowhere to be seen. Sonofabitch coward.

CHAPTER 5
41
    “Todd Harding is a total prick,” Marcie said. “I can not believe he did that.”
    “I can,” Johnny and I both said at the same time. A little laugh popped out of me. “Jinx,” I said. “You owe me a beer.” Johnny blushed and ran his fingers through his thick, shaggy hair.
    I stared at the bulletin board with the marriage ed lists on it. I pulled out one of the thumbtacks and stuck it right through Todd’s name. “Listen Mar,” I said, “I’m getting him back, and I’m gonna need your help. I’m thinking tonight, at the dance. Are you in?”
    Marcie clucked her tongue at me. “Come on, Fee. Be the bigger person.”
    “Bigger person? What you mean is back down. No way. I’m not hiding from him. Then he wins.”
    “Yeah, but it’s not a battle. You’re supposed to be married.”
    “Screw that.”
    She crossed her ivory arms. Even after being outdoors all summer, she’d managed to avoid any sun damage. “Okay, but like it or not, that’s the way it is if you want to graduate and get the hell out of high school.”
    “Marcie, are you going to help me or not?”
    She sighed and dropped her arms. Her bracelets clinked together. “Yes, I’ll help you. You know I will.”
    “Thank you.”
    “Uh . . . you know, I could . . . help too,” Johnny said. “I mean . . . if you need it.”
    42 Kristin Walker
    “For real?” I asked.
    Johnny twitched his head. “Sure. I can’t dance anyway. What else is there to do?”
    I reached up and patted him once on his beefy shoulder.
    “Awesome, Johnny. Thanks.”
    I checked the clock above the auditorium doors: eightforty-five. Exactly one hour for me to figure out what I was going to say to Todd at our counseling session. I couldn’t wait for him to get reamed out by Maggie Klein. I’d never seen her go ballistic before, so it was going to be a treat. And afterward, I’d have the rest of the day to plan my revenge.
    “pLEASE CoME IN, FIoNA. Todd IS ALREAdy hERE.”
    Maggie Klein had been the guidance counselor at East Columbus ever since I was a freshman. She couldn’t have been more than eight or nine years older than me, but she carried herself like a middle-aged ex-hippie. She insisted that everyone in school call her Maggie, and everything she said sounded like a meditation mantra. She always wore scarves and smelled like vanilla and roasted almonds. She’d never been married, so I wasn’t sure what she thought she could teach us about marriage. But maybe she’d picked up some tips from the string of men she’d been seen with around town over the past few years.
    “Take a seat, Fiona,” Maggie Klein said. I did. But not before I sent