Read A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius for Free Online

fee).....................$23,800.°°
    EXPENSES RELATED TO PRODUCTION OF BOOK
    Portion of rent, two years (btw$6oo&$i,5oo/mo) . . . appnx: $12,000.°°
    Trip to Chicago (research).....................$850.°°
    Trip to San Francisco (research).................$620.°°
    Food (consumed while ostensibly writing)........$5,800.°°
    Sundries.................................$1,200.°°
    Laser printer...............................$600.°°
    Paper....................................$242.°°
    Postage (to send manuscript, for approval, to siblings Beth (somewhere in No. California), and Bill (an advisor to the Comptroller of Texas, in Austin), Kirsten (San Francisco, married), Shalini (living at home in L.A., doing well), Meredith Weiss (freelance wardrobe stylist, San Diego), Jamie Carrick (in L.A., part of management team for Hanson, a popular music outfit), “ Ricky ” (San Francisco, investment banker—high-tech IPOs), etc. etc.).....$231 °°
    Copy of Xanadu Original Movie Soundtrack.........$14. 32
    Information retrieval service (unsuccessful attempt to
    retrieve two years ’ worth of journal entries from
    external hard drive, expired)....................$75.°°
    Net total.............................$39,567. 68
    Which still isn ’ t so bad, come to think of it^more than the author, who is not a pet owner, can spend. Therefore, he
    pledges some of it to you, or at least some of you. The first 200 readers of this book who write with proof that they have read and absorbed the many lessons herein will each receive a check, from the author, for $5, drawn from a U.S. bank, probably Chase Manhattan, which is not a good bank—do not open an account there. Now: how to prove that you have bought and read the book? Let ’ s say we do this: Take the book, which you are required to have purchased*—enclose your receipt, or a copy of the receipt—and have someone take a picture of you reading the book, or maybe putting it to better use. Special consideration for a) the inclusion in the picture of a baby (or babies), as everyone knows that babies are nice; b) the inclusion in the picture of a baby with an exceptionally large tongue; c) pictures taken in exotic locales (with the book, remember); d) pictures of the book being rubbed against by a red panda, a small bear + raccoon-looking mammal, also known as the “ lesser panda, ” native of central China and frequent-rubber-againster of things for marking
    It should go without saying that if you ’ ve checked this book out from the library, or are reading it in paperback, you are much, much too late. Come to think of it, you may be reading this far, far in the future—it ’ s probably being taught in all the schools! Do tell: What ’ s it like in the future? Is everyone wearing robes? Are the cars rounder, or less round? Is there a women ’ s soccer league yet?
    of territory. Do NOT FORGET TO: center yourself, or whatever your subject, in the picture. If you ’ re using an auto-focus camera with a 35mm lens, get closer than you feel you should; the lens, because it ’ s convex, has the effect of backing you up 5-8 feet. Also: Keep your clothes on, please. Those readers who are savvy enough to have picked up a copy of one quarterly publication in particular will already know the most expeditious address to receive this free-ish money (though that address is only good until maybe August 2000), and will therefore be at an advantage, timewise. Otherwise, send your tasteful photographs to:
    A.H.W.O.S.G. Offer
    Vintage Books
    299 Park Avenue
    New York, NY 10171 If, by the time the author receives your letter, he has already distributed the 200 checks, good fortune may yet strike. If your picture is amusing or your name or hometown unfortunate-sounding, and you include a self-addressed stamped envelope, he will put something (not money) inside the envelope and will send it back, because he does not have cable, and needs diversion. Now.* The author would like to acknowledge your