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those things. It’s perfectly normal and natural, and if you have a problem in acknowledging the basic facts of death and decomposition, then I feel sorry for you.’
    His beady eyes narrowed and the lips grew even wetter. ‘Mind what you say,’ he warned. ‘You have not heard the end of this. I intend to apply for an exhumation order, with all costs awarded against you, Mr Slocombe. You personally.’
    ‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ I said. ‘You petty little man. Haven’t you got anything better to do with your time than interfere in something you don’t even begin to understand? Can’t you see this for what it is? An innocent mistake was made, and nobody loses by it. I can’t believe you received very much in rent for this scrap of land. In fact, if it was properly investigated, I wouldn’t be surprised to find she paid you nothing at all. After Mrs Simmonds’ mother died, I just bet you forgot all about it, and never collected any rent.’ A thought struck me. ‘And how did you find out about the burial so quickly?’
    ‘One of the mourners telephoned yesterday afternoon,’ he said, looking rather pale at my attack. ‘They were worried about the legalities, as well as the sheer lack of dignity in the whole sordid business.’
    I knew it wasn’t worth arguing any further with him. If he saw a simple natural burial in a small Cotswold field as sordid, there was no hope for him.
    But the argument was not entirely within my control. ‘So?’ he went on, quickly reviving. ‘The situation is completely unacceptable. What do you propose to do about it?’
    ‘Me? Nothing whatsoever. It’s too late to do anything. Besides, it’s not up to me, is it?’
    ‘It most certainly is. Either you reimburse the council for the full market value of this property, or we take the whole business to a higher authority. Personally, I want this abomination removed immediately.’
    Higher authority always meant God to my ears. If Mr Maynard proposed to consult the Almighty, I didn’t think I had much to worry about. Quite obviously, God was on my side, even if it had been a secular funeral.
    I snorted sarcastically, which wasn’t very wise of me. The man from the council had no tolerance at all for being mocked. The wind continued to blow, buffeting us quite violently at times, before pausing to recoup its strength. We were partly sheltered by the hedge, but such was the force of the gale that it got into every corner of the little field, a separate entity that seemed to involve itself in our argument. The entire conversation had taken place with raised voices, which had the effect of making everything more aggressive than it might otherwise have been. A few minutes later, it occurred to me that we could have been heard by anybody standing on the road, or on the other side of the hedge in the scrappy woodland adjacent to the field. If not our actual words, then the fact of raised voices and confrontational stances would have plainly revealed a serious disagreement was under way. At the time, that didn’t worry me at all, and it certainly didn’t worry Mr Maynard.
    ‘Oh!’ His minimal chin reared itself to its full extent. ‘Oh, so you think this is funny, do you? I can assure you, Mr Slocombe, it is very far from amusing.’ I waited for him to say travesty again, but he disappointed me. ‘You are so patently in the wrong that words fail me,’ he sneered. ‘I can see we’re getting nowhere here. There will be a letter from our solicitors in the post first thing on Monday.’
    ‘It won’t do you any good,’ I retorted hotly. ‘Do what you like, you won’t get any money out of me. You might try Mrs Simmonds’ family, although I very much doubt that you’d have much luck. Give it up, Mr Maynard. It isn’t worth the taxpayers’ hard-earned cash, for a tiny patch of land you’d forgotten all about until now.’ A new thought occurred to me. ‘Besides, you’ll probably find that she had squatters’ rights over