his eyes, a sorrow that, strangely, became more pronounced when he smiled and especially when he laughed. He spoke little of his family, a wife and two young daughters in Japan, but when he did his pride was evident. Years later, I learned from a mutual acquaintance that there had also been a son, the youngest, who had died in circumstances of which Tatsu would never speak, and I understood from whence that sorrowful countenance had come.
When I came back to Japan we spent some time together, but I had distanced myself since getting involved with Miyamoto and then Benny. I hadn’t seen him since moving underground.
Which was good, because I knew from the reports I’d hacked that Tatsu had a pet theory: the LDP had an assassin on the payroll. In the late eighties, Tatsu came to believe that too many key witnesses in corruption cases, too many financial reformers, too many young crusaders against the political status quo were dying of “natural causes.” In his assessment, there was a pattern, and he profiled the shadowy shape at the center of it as possessing skills very much like mine.
Tatsu’s colleagues thought the shape he saw was a ghost in his imagination, and his dogged insistence on investigating a conspiracy others claimed was a mirage had done nothing to advance his career. On the other hand, that doggedness did afford him some protection from the powers he hoped to threaten, because no one wanted to lend credence to his theories by having him die suddenly of natural causes. On the contrary: I imagined many of Tatsu’s enemies hoped he would live a long and uneventful life. I also knew this attitude would change instantly if Tatsu ever got too close to the truth.
So far he hadn’t. But I knew Tatsu. In Vietnam he had understood the fundamentals of counterintelligence at a time when even Agency higher-ups couldn’t put together a simple wiring diagram of a typical VC unit. He had developed operational leads despite his “listen and learn only” purview. He had refused the usual attaché’s cushy life of writing reports from a villa, insisting instead on operating in the field.
His superiors had been horrified at his effectiveness, he had once told me bitterly over substantial quantities of sake, and had studiously ignored the intelligence he produced. In the end his persistence and courage had been wasted. I wished he could have learned from the experience.
But I supposed that was impossible. Tatsu was true samurai, and would continue serving the same master no matter how many times that master ignored or even abused him. Devoted service was the highest end he knew.
It was unusual for the
Keisatsucho
to be investigating a simple break-in. Something about Kawamura’s death, and his dealings prior, must have attracted Tatsu’s attention. It wouldn’t be the first time I had felt my old comrade-in-arms watching me as though through a one-way mirror, seeing a shape behind the glass but not knowing whose, and I was glad I’d dropped off his radar so many years earlier.
“You don’t have to tell me whether you knew about this,” Harry said, interrupting my musings. “I know the rules.”
I considered how much I should reveal. If I wanted to learn more, his skills would be helpful. On the other hand, I didn’t like the idea of his getting any closer to the true nature of my work. He was getting uncomfortably close already. Tatsu’s name on that report, for example. I had to assume Harry would follow that link, tap into Tatsu’s conspiracy theories, and sense a connection to me. Hardly proof beyond a reasonable doubt, of course, but between them, Harry and Tatsu would have a significant number of puzzle pieces.
Sitting there in Las Chicas, sipping my chai latte, I had to admit that Harry could become a problem. The realization depressed me.
Christ,
I thought,
you’re getting sentimental.
Maybe it was time to get out of this shit. Maybe this time it really was.
“I didn’t know about it,”
Lauren Barnholdt, Suzanne Beaky