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asks, “Why?”
    I stretch my legs out and lean back on my arms in preparation to go back to that place, the one place I hate to revisit. “The night Zoë…passed…” Tears fill my eyes, imagining her so helpless as she fought for her life. “She…she had asked me to bring her here the next day. I promised I would and even being in so much pain after losing her, I came. And have every day since. It’s the place that I feel closest to her.” Pain reels through me, reliving the events, and I finally pull my eyes away from the water, glancing at Ivy who is quiet. She is crying herself watching the waves.
    I hoped bringing her here would help, but it seems to have only hurt her more. Taking my arm, I sling it over her shoulder and hug her tight against my body. She clings to me crying and I hold her close to me, where both of us can just…be.

“Thank you for today,” Ivy says, as she gets into her car.
    “Of course, I hope it helped.”
    “It did. You always do, Krane.” She looks at me with those eyes and I smile. Heading back into my apartment, I plug my phone in to charge it and turn the shower on. Looking around at the filth I call home, I collect the clothes that are littered around my house and toss them into the wash. The wedding is soon and I don’t want to catch flak from my sister or family, which I know will happen if I pack a bunch of dirty crap.
    Hopping in the shower, I let the hot water burn my skin and know that if I continue my endurance training like I have, I can keep doing underground fighting. That’s really the only thing I know to do to get enough money to survive. And that’s all I do anymore – survive.
    As the water rolls down my body and washes away the pussy and booze of last night, I find myself thinking of standing at my front door naked with Ivy staring at me. I chuckle rinsing off. She always brings a smile to me. After getting out, I look in my closet for anything to wear and find a pair of shorts. In the distance, I hear my phone ringing. I walk out to it and pick it up, shocked by the name on the screen – Logan. I thought he’d have given up on me by now. I’m not sure what to say to him, so I’m glad it goes to voicemail.
    Just as I walk away, a message chimes, and as much as I want to ignore it, I have to listen to it. “What up, Krane, it’s Logan. I hope you’re good, man.” He pauses and clears his throat. “Listen, I wanted to let you know I’m having a barbecue on the beach tonight for my birthday. It would be cool if you could swing by. No questions from anyone or anything like that, I just miss you, buddy. It starts at six at Atlantic Beach.”
    The message comes to an end and the desperation in Logan’s voice hits me hard. I haven’t talked to him since the funeral. He was my best friend and I shut him out, just like I have everyone else that was in my life when Zoë died. When I left the city, I left my old life and everything that was a part of it behind. I moved away from them and convinced myself that they were better off without me around, when really I couldn’t bear the weight of their grief and the constant reminders of Zoë. It was a selfish thing to do and I knew that, but being alone and drunk was so much easier to make it through the days, rather than being fake and facing the demons that I’m still scared of. Taking a seat on my couch, I stare at the remnants of my life. Alcohol-filled nights to wash away the pain and a random fight here and there are all that I have to look forward to.
    Heading out on the balcony, I decide to call Ivy for some advice. The warmth of the day feels good on my body. “Everything okay?” she answers right away.
    “Yeah, why?”
    “I just left your house and you’re already calling.”
    I laugh at her observation, always so concerned for others. “I’m good. I just wanted to bounce something off you. Today is Logan’s birthday.”
    “And?”
    “He just left me a message inviting me to a barbecue