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back to camp for me to answer them?”
    I nod. “Are you okay?”
    He stares at me , and his eyes glisten with unshed tears. “It’s hard to say goodbye.”
     
     
    The ride back to camp is even worse. My mind is racing with questions and the peacefulness of the drive is overcome by the obvious heartsickness of Alex. He turns on the radio and listens to a couple of guys talk about hunting, then switches it off. His gaze wanders to my face a few times, but as soon as I look at him in question, he shakes his head and looks forward again.
    He parks his truck and rounds the hood to my side. He opens the door before I can get my bearings, before I can brace myself for the rawness of his face. He takes my hand and pulls me out into the cool night and then steers us back to his cabin.
    When the door shuts behind him, he releases such a long sigh that it sounds more like the beginning of a sob. I search the small wrinkles along the edge of his eyes. Laugh lines. Though now they’re more like sorrow lines, etching in his face a lifetime of pain that I have no idea about.
    “Robin. Irene’s daughter. She’s dying. Cervical cancer.”
    “I didn’t realize Irene had a daughter. I mean they don’t really talk about her. Are they estranged?” I ask.
    “Yeah. They have been. I think Robin reached out to all of us again when she realized she was sick.”
    I worry my bottom lip. “So you know her pretty well?”
    He nods and moves next to me on the bed. The warm skin of his leg presses against mine and for the first time in awhile, the butterflies in my stomach don’t pick up speed. They’re still there. But this time, it’s like they’re waiting as much as I am.
    “Robin’s my ex -wife .”
    I blink and my mouth drops open. “Whoa. I wasn’t expecting that.”
    He laughs once, but it’s sort of brittle. “I’ll bet.”
    “How long were you married?”
    “A few years. In my mid-twenties. We were both young. Stupid. Just out of college. We didn’t really know each other that well. We didn’t really know ourselves that well.”
    I nod because at this point, I don’t know what else to do. I’ve been blindsided and the mountain of history that is tumbling over me is making it difficult to breathe.
    “So then one day about three years into our marriage, s he takes off. No note. No nothing. Like she just decided she didn’t want to live that life anymore. A few months later, after searching for too long, I get divorce papers in the mail. Irene and George knew she’d disappeared. They hadn’t heard from her either. It was like she became a nomad or something. Eight months after, my first summer living by myself without Robin, Irene offers me the job at camp. I think it was her way of apologizing for her daughter’s mess.”
    He takes my hand and laces his fingers through it. I can’t seem to hear anything. Robin was my ex -wife keeps zinging around my head, echoing louder than any of his other words.
    “So she’s dying and wants to reconnect?”
    He nods and squeezes my hand , then traces circles on my palm .
    “Did you love her?” I ask and my voice sounds so tiny that I can’t imagine he sees me as anything other than a little girl with a crush.
    “I thought I did. I don’t know. I was young. Love when you’re young looks different than when you’re older.”
    It’s a slap in my face. I know it, but I’m too numb at this point to feel it. “Do you love her still?”
    “No. Not since the day I signed those papers. Probably even before that.”
    I release his hand and stand up on my ridiculous wedge sandals. He stares at me and every emotion is plastered on his face. For the first time ever, he’s an open book. I know what he wants, what he thinks he needs, but I can’t give it to him. It nearly guts me, but I know I have to leave. I can’t be his evening solace. I want more than that.
    “Thanks for telling me. Thanks for letting me come tonight.” I move toward the door.
    “Kay-Kay,” he calls