art all right?”
“Of course, I’m fine.”
“ As I hear thee I am sure, but what a fright I did have just the same.”
“Oh?”
“I had but a feeling is all that harm did find thee. Art thou sure thy health is none the worse this day’s morn?”
What could I tell her? I didn’t want to make a big deal of the matter, but I knew what her problem was. Because of the witch’s light, she had intuitively sensed my distress as I contemplated my options with Tony’s gun. I decided to throw her a bone and make her think she had saved me from a near fatal miscalculation.
“You know , Urs, I’m glad you called. See I was just about to toss the last ingredient into a witch’s brew I was making on the stove, when the phone rang.”
“Aye?”
“Yeah, but because of the phone ringing, I set the jar down on the counter and realized it was the wrong stuff.”
“ Do say?”
“ Had I added that last ingredient, I might have blown this house sky high.”
“Mercy stars! `Tis a thing of good I called then, aye?”
“Yes it was, so, thanks, but I have to go now. How `bout I call you later?”
“Sister, wait! I have told thee not of my big surprise.”
“ What surprise?”
“` Tis a trick so wonderful it doth make me twitter.”
“Oh, a little trick is it? Listen, Urs, about that. I’m sure it’s cute and all. Carlos told me how excided you were when Dominic showed it to you, but I honestly don’t think I’m interested. I have bigger issues to deal with right now.”
“Aye, Sister, but this trick—”
“Ursula. I don’t care. It’s not something you learned in the Grimoire, is it?”
“ Nay.”
“Does it involve a spell?”
“Not a one.”
“Does it involve any witchcraft whatsoever?”
“None methinks , for aught I know.”
“ For little you know. You got that right. Urs, I don’t know how to put this, but it’s just a stupid little trick. Share it with someone who gives a shit.”
I hung up; feeling lousy for talking to her that way, but I couldn’t help it. I was done with worrying about other people’s feelings. Done with caring what others thought. Done with everything. Done with the world.
I crossed the room and picked up a framed picture of Tony and me. Carlos had taken it on his cell phone the night Tony and I got married. He was so shitfaced. Carlos, I mean. But he had taken a great photo. In it, Tony was standing behind me, his arms laced around my waist, his chin resting upon my shoulder. We were both looking into the camera, smiling. I don’t know who was happier, him or me. I only knew I never wanted that moment to end.
I ran my fingers lightly over the glass, brushing Tony’s cheek and imagining his stubble like little bristles tickling my fingertips. I would do that sometimes while he slept, the morning sun casting highlights on his chin as I brushed against the grain. He’d wake up at my touch, stretch and smile upon seeing me. Those moments, too, I never wanted to end.
“Tony,” I said, raising the picture to my lips and kissing him softly. As I lowered it again, the sunlight caught the glass and reflected my image back at me. I saw a woman aged by tears and hardened by grief. It wasn’t me, I thought, but it was.
That’s when Brittany’s words came back to me like echoes through a canyon. ‘Where do you go for strength and resolution?’ she asked, reminding me I had friends, ‘Special friends.’
Immediately, the mothers of the coven came to mind. ‘Only when you’ve tried everything,’ Brittany told me, ‘will you know that no matter what the outcome, it’s all okay.’
I set the picture down and ran to get the black mirror. What is everything, if not my all? I thought. Besides, what did I have to lose?
Chapter 5
I began by anchoring one end of a fifty-four inch piece of twine to the floor and pulling the other end taunt. Using chalk, I drew a perfect nine-foot circle and then covered the line with brick dust.
I lit four