Read The Customer Is Not Always Right: Hilarious and Horrific Tales of Customers Gone Wrong for Free Online

ALLER : “Yeah, I like them a lot.”
    M E : “Uh-huh.”
    C ALLER : “I can fly!”
    M E : “That’s great! Did you want to talk to somebody in particular?”
    C ALLER : “Oh! No, not really.”
    M E : “Okay, then thanks for calling!”
    C ALLER : “Okay, bye!”

THE JOKE’S ON YOU … OR MAYBE YOU … OR YOU
    G ROCERY S TORE | Q UEENSLAND , A USTRALIA
     
    (We’re running a promotion at our grocery store where if you make the manager laugh, you’ll get a free cucumber. A customer walks into our store and starts randomly bumping into things.)
     
     
    M ANAGER : “Hello, ma’am. How may I help you today?”
    D AZED WOMAN : “Could I get some reading glasses and a glasses case, please?”
    (My manager assumes the customer is making a joke for the promotion, laughs, and hands her a cucumber.)
     
     
    D AZED WOMAN : “Thank you. How much?”
    M ANAGER : “It’s free.”
    D AZED WOMAN : “WOW! That’s service!”
    (My manager goes back to the counter.)
     
     
    M E : “What was that about?”
    M ANAGER : “Oh, she made me laugh. She made a joke about glasses.”
    M E : “I don’t think she was kidding about the glasses.”
    M ANAGER : “… and why is that?”
    M E : “Because she’s asking the mango cart to open her glasses case.”

SCAMMING IN PLAIN SIGHT
    B RICKYARD | E DMONTON , A LBERTA
     
    (A customer “drops” a brick, giving it a little chip. He then proceeds to join the line.)
     
     
    C ASHIER : “Hello, sir, how can I help?”
    C USTOMER : “There’s a chip in this brick. I’d like to get a discount, please.”
    C ASHIER : “I’m sorry, sir, only cracks or serious fractures would warrant a discount on bricks. A chip won’t damage the function or stability of the brick.”
    (The customer proceeds to lift up the brick and forcefully drop it on the ground.)
     
     
    C USTOMER : “Now it’s broken! Can I get a discount now?”
    C ASHIER : “No, but you can sure as heck pay for that.”

THESE COMPUTERS ARE DRIVING ME GOOFY
    L IBRARY | O SKALOOSA , I OWA
     
    (A library patron flags down my coworker. He’s having trouble filling out an online job application at one of our computer terminals.)
     
     
    P ATRON : “Um, I need your help. Why won’t my computer let me continue to the next page?”
    C OWORKER : “I don’t know … let me come take a look.”
    (When my coworker gets there, she realizes the patron is having trouble with the image verification code at the bottom of the screen.)
     
     
    P ATRON : “It says, ‘Please enter the characters. ‘I’ve tried ‘Donald Duck,’ ‘Mickey Mouse,’ and ‘Bugs Bunny’ and none of them work! I don’t know any more characters!”

A STICKY PROPOSITION
    S NACK B AR | A MSTERDAM , N ETHERLANDS
     
    M E : “Would you like mayonnaise on your croquette?”
    C USTOMER : “Yes, please … but not on the croquette itself. Do you have a cup or something?”
    M E : “No, I’m sorry, ma’am.”
    C USTOMER : “Oh, well…just put it in my hand, then.”
    M E : “… Mayonnaise?”
    C USTOMER : “Yes!”
    M E : “… in your hand?”
    C USTOMER : “Yes, yes!”
    M E : “Are you sure?”
    C USTOMER : “Yes!”
    M E : *fills the customer’s hand with mayonnaise*
    C USTOMER : “Thank you!” *smiles and leaves*
    M E, TO MY MANAGER : “I need a break.”

A GENTLEMAN’S WAGER
    V IDEO G AME S TORE | M ILWAUKEE , W ISCONSIN
     
    (One day a random guy at the door of my video game store leans in and throws something at me. Out of reflex and self-preservation instinct, I catch it.)
     
     
    C USTOMER : “I’ll be back in an hour.”
    (He’s gone by the time I realize it’s a canister of film. As promised, he returns an hour later.)
     
     
    M E : “Can I help you?”
    C USTOMER : “Uh, my pictures?!”
    M E : “Your film, you mean?”
    C USTOMER : “No. It should be pictures by now.”
    M E : “Sir, this is a video game store.”
    C USTOMER : “Does it or does it not say on a sign in your window that you develop