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bathroom.
    Tristan knocks on the door. I open it because I know he is worried. What I find breaks my heart even worse. He looks devastated. His eyes are rimmed with red. That’s when it hits me hard.
    “Can you give it back to me?”
    He cocks his head, looking confused.
    “Can you give my first kiss back to me? You know, let me relive it so that I can keep it this time?” I whisper.
    He doesn’t answer; he just pushes off the doorframe and strolls over to me, pressing his lips to mine. Tears are streaming down both of our faces. His tongue flicks my bottom lip and I moan, opening up for him. He slides it in and I whimper. Fireworks are going off in my head. My body is on fire. I am grasping his arms tightly like I did in the home video. It’s a hungry kiss that goes on forever.
    I pull back, breathless. “Thank you,” I pant.
    He rubs our noses together, sighing.
    “I’m sorry I can’t remember.” I feel like I have to keep apologizing to this man. Apparently, he still loves me and always has.
    “You’re here and you’re alive,” he whispers, his lips grazing mine.
    “I’m here,” I whisper back.
    A throat clears in the hallway beside us. I turn to see Drake and something in me snaps. I push away from Tristan and run towards him. I hug him tightly. “I can’t remember, but Tristan is showing me,” I whisper into his chest.
    “It’s okay Sunshine. It’s really okay,” he croaks. I pull away.
    “Don’t cry Drake,” I wipe the lone tear from his eye and wipe mine too.
    “I forgot my phone charger. I am going to head back out. You two need this time.” He nods toward his brother.
    “He’s leaving because of me?” I turn around and ask Tristan.
    “Oh no, it’s not like that babe. He just wants us to have space while we go down memory lane,” he says and smiles.
    “But he’s on memory lane too,” I say, confused.
    “Yes, but our memory lane is more intense. He is just giving us privacy babe. ” Tristan takes my hand, dragging me back to the living room.
    “Okay, sit. We have one more video of our first summer, and then you can shower and we can start on the holidays leading up to our second summer. Sound good?” He pulls me into his lap on the couch. Oddly enough, it feels right.
    I run my fingers through his hair and it feels familiar. So many things about Tristan feel familiar. I am thankful to be alive. Thankful I beat cancer, but I am also still angry for losing so much.
    While lost in my thoughts and gazing off into space, Tristan pushes play.
    “Okay, so this is us three saying goodbye for three months. Gah!” My voice whines in the camera, causing me to laugh. “Drake, come give me some sugar before you start walking away! Yes, I am talking to you. Stupid boy thought he could get away without saying goodbye.” I shake my head in front of the camera.
    “Sunshine, I don’t want to say goodbye, damn it!” Drake whines in the camera.
    “You don’t want to say goodbye to your Sunshine?” I ask in mock horror to the camera, making Drake laugh.
    “C’mon, give me a hug Sunshine.” The camera moves in and out of focus. “Love you Sunshine.”
    “Love you too Stupid boy.”
    “Wow, that shit’s rough watching,” Drake clears his throat.
    Tristan pauses the DVD and I look down at my hands, mumbling stupid boy. I look up at Tristan then to Drake and smile.
    “Come here Stupid boy, give Sunshine a hug goodbye,” I gesture with my hands.
    “No more goodbyes Sunshine, only hellos, but I will give you a hug.” He walks over to me and squeezes me tightly.
    “It’s good to have you back Sunshine,” he whispers into my hair.
    “I’m thinking it’s good to have some of my memories back Stupid boy,” I mock, letting him go.
    “Alright you guys, have fun. Call if you need anything,” Drake says as he waves and walks out.

I watch as they embrace and my heart pounds. So far, so good. I let out a breath.
    “It’s good to have you back Sunshine,” he whispers into her