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just yet, after all we’d been through.
    I told him I didn’t mind waiting. But he gave me a funny look. Like, you don’t want to visit your own mother?
    So I started to leave.
    I met Dawn, Jeff, and Mrs. Bruen in the hallway.
    They started firing questions at me. Jeff asked if Carol was dead. Dawn was worried about the baby. Both of them were crying. Mrs. Bruen was trying to keep them from blocking the hallway.
    I held Jeff’s and Dawn’s hands. I calmed them down and told them everything was all right. I brought them into the waiting room.
    While Mr. Schafer gave them the details, I headed for the cancer wing.
    Mom was sleeping, but she woke up when I walked in.
    “Robin,” she said. “Hi.”
    Robin?
    “It’s Sunny, Mom,” I reminded her.
    Then I realized who she meant. My aunt. Mom’s little sister, who died shortly after I was born.
    Mom blinked. Then she laughed weakly. She said she’d been having a dream. Her brother, sisters, and all her cousins were gathered around her. They were little children, but they were strong enough to lift her in the air, upward and upward until their heads were in the clouds.
    I sat. I listened. I tried to chat, but Mom was in her own dreamy world.
    When Mr. Schafer came in, Dawn and Jeff were with him. Dawn had a bouquet of flowers. She put them on the night table, gave Mom a big kiss, and fussed about how great Mom looked.
    That was Dawn’s word of the day. Great. “Doesn’t she look great? You look so great!”
    And all I could think was:
    I hadn’t complimented Mom.
    I hadn’t brought her flowers.
    I hadn’t even kissed her.
    And the truth was, she didn’t look GREAT. She looked withered and sick and groggy.
    But Dawn just plopped herself in front of me, gushing away. Lying.
    And blocking me from Mom.
    Excuse me. I’m only her daughter.
    Dawn was in high motormouth mode. When she finished complimenting Mom and gushing
    about her own flowers, she told Mom about Carol’s accident.
    Finally Mom looked alert. “Oh. My goodness,” she said. “Sunny hasn’t mentioned this.”
    “I was about to,” I said.
    But I couldn’t get a word in edgewise, I didn’t say. Because Dawn was talking enough for about fifteen people.
    And she kept on, while Jeff wandered around and Mr. Schafer chased after him and I did my impression of a Barcalounger.
    The next thing I knew was, Mr. Schafer was ready to take us home. I managed a quick good-bye to Mom.
    During the car ride, Dawn finally shut up.
    We all did. We were exhausted.
    Back at the Schafers’, everyone grunted good night and went off to bed. Except Mr. Schafer. He went back to the hospital.
    I should be fast asleep, but I can’t stop thinking about Carol.
    She comes home tomorrow. I won’t feel totally comfortable until then.
    Dawn obviously feels fine. She’s in bed, snoozing like a contented sheep.
    I think I’ll spend the night right here, on the Schafers’ sofa.
    I feel like being alone.
    Thursday
    10:31 A.M.
    Woke up late this morning. Dawn was already leaving for school. I told her I’d meet her there.
    I didn’t.
    I went home for a change of clothes.
    Dad was eating breakfast. I told him what happened to Carol. He half listened while he was reading the paper.
    “That’s tough,” was his analysis of the situation.
    End of discussion.
    Thank you for your support, Dad.
    Why is he like this?
    He didn’t used to be. We had fun when I was a kid.
    Or maybe my memory is playing tricks. Maybe he was always unbearable, only I didn’t
    recognize it.
    I turned to go upstairs.
    “I’m meeting that boy today,” Dad called after me. “Christopher. Quacky. Whatever you call him.”
    “Ducky,” I said.
    “He sounds like a nice boy on the phone. Let’s just hope he can alphabetize.”
    That was supposed to be a joke, I think.
    I didn’t even smile.

7:54
    I helped bring Carol back from the hospital. She was so grateful to me. She said she would feel safe in any emergency with me. She said I had the quick wits of