Nuklear Age

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Book: Read Nuklear Age for Free Online
Authors: Brian Clevinger
Tags: General Fiction
throat and recited the riddle of evil from memory. “I never was, am always to be. No one ever saw me, nor ever will. And yet I am the confidence of all who live and breathe on this terreztrial ball.”
    Nuklear Man starred at her in much the same way a cabbage does when it tries to comprehend the finer points of psychometric calculations as written alternately in Sanskrit and Okinawan. Backwards.
    Atomik Lad hovered helplessly.
    __________

Issue 4 – Bringin’ Down the House
     
    “Well, Nuklear Fool?” the Venomous Villainess inquired.
    “Um,” he said nervously. “Best two out of three?”
    She looked to the remote control that regulated the deadly Negaflux Field that held Atomik Lad, and therefore Nuklear Man, helpless, “You are in no position to bargain, Nuklear Clod.”
    “Uh...” Nuklear Man contemplated uselessly as Atomik Lad began to realize the gravity of the situation. He decided “gravity” wasn't a good word to use considering that was the force to be amplified to the point that either he or Nuklear Man would be crushed to death.
    Nuklear Man glowed intensely for a moment. He chanced a look at his sidekick and gave him the “I've got a plan,” wink-n-smile that he just invented and Atomik Lad first took as “How's it goin', sailor?” but finally got the gist of the message. Ordinarily, Atomik Lad would have been extraordinarily terrified at the prospect of a scheme concocted by Nuklear Man, and would have attempted to evacuate all residents within a ten mile radius. And with good reason. But at this point, that was the sort of plan he needed.
    “I grow tired of your stalling, Golden Goon.”
    “Well I grow tired of the high costs of spandex dry cleaning.”
    “Shut up.”
    “And don't even get me started on the cape.”
    “Shut up!”
    “There was this one time they put in so much starch it was like having plywood strapped to my back.”
    “Shut up!” she shrieked.
    “Well it was,” the Hero said meekly.
    “Answer the riddle!” Menace demanded. Can he truly be this stupid? Has this utter buffoon truly defeated my every nefarious scheme? It can’t be true.
    “Oh yeah...the riddle. Got it. Right, um, could you ah, could you repeat the riddle?”
    “No! You must answer it now or face the consequences!”
    “Hmm. And what does that entail exactly?” he asked while nodding intellectually.
    “Enough!” Menace bellowed. “Answer me now, or your sidekick will suffer a very messy, painful, and may I say utterly unique death due to my fantaztic genius.”
    Nuklear Man posed confidently. His cape waved dramatically thanks to its excellent starch content. The light played on his blond hair. His perfect teeth gleamed in that very same light. His powerful build was accented by the golden spandex. It was all quite striking. Dr. Menace wasn't impressed.
    “The answer to your little riddle is quite simple, Foul Temptress of Evil.” He took a deep breath for a pause that was supposed to be dramatic but just came off as being forced and generally annoying. “Toast!” he exclaimed in all seriousness.
    Atomik Lad hung his head in defeat.
    It took every last ounce of self-control Dr. Menace had to keep from laughing, and she was only able to keep up the tour de restraint for 2.4 seconds.
    Nuklear Man stood confidently, his hands on his hips, smiling in the knowledge that he had saved the day.
    “Wrong, Nuklear Boob! The answer is Tomorrow! Something which I'm quite glad to say you won’t be seeing!” She threw her head back and her arms out wide while cackling maniacally in victory.
    Nuklear Man scratched at the top of his head. “Tomorrow? Well that's just stupid. You can’t even eat a tomorrow.”
    “And yet,” she countered, “it's the answer, live with it.” She gave an exaggerated grin, “Oh, I suppose you won't! HA!” Dr. Menace pushed a sequence of buttons on her remote control while chuckling to herself triumphantly. The air around Atomik Lad shimmered for a moment as she

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