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expected a long, continuous beep, the sound of Pax’s heart monitor flat-lining. But instead it was whooping, fluttering with what sounded like hundreds of heartbeats, flat-lining, returning to normal, and then fluttering again.
    Her footsteps carried her to the door of the room.
    She could feel her heart crashing into her throat and lungs, making it hard to breathe or think rationally.
    Slow. Everything was too slow .
    Someone was blocking her. She grabbed the back of his lab coat and yanked him out of her way. As he moved out of view, the head of Pax’s bed appeared. She had a glimpse of his face before someone else moved in her way again. The people were all dressed in white coats but she felt like they were in black robes, carrying scythes.
    “Pax!” she screamed.
    Don’t leave without saying good-bye.
    It was strange, how terrified she felt. She’d prepared for this. She’d gone over and over how his last days and hours would go, what would happen in his body, what would happen after he died. She’d walked that path, acknowledged the grief, the unfairness. She shouldn’t have felt anything at all. And yet her heart beat harder and harder—pain stabbing at her from the inside.
    Then.
    Something appeared on the floor, out of nowhere.
    The people in lab coats around Pax all took a step back and bent down to deal with whatever was on the floor. She got another glimpse of Pax in bed.
    The lights drained the color from his face, made him as pale as a piece of marble. His mouth gaped open. His eyes were half-closed.
    Two thick, clear tears ran down his cheeks. His head sank forward slightly as his chest fell.
    And fell farther. He was empty.
    Dead.
    Pax’s body was nothing but an empty shell.
    Her heart was climbing up her throat, trying to kill her. Tears were gushing out of her like blood from a cut artery. A line of fire ran along the back of her throat.
    “Get out of my way!” It came out in a gargle. She couldn’t feel her fingers.
    Oh God, Pax. Oh God. I was lying when I thought I was ready for this.
    Someone moved in front of her again, and she screamed. This time there were no words, only rage. She had to be there. She had to—
    The men in front of her lifted something off the floor.
    Another body. Despite herself, she had to look. Scarlett. She was just as limp, just as empty as her son.
    What was going on here? Some kind of suicide pact?
    Suddenly everything seemed to happen at once. She was jostled backward as the doctors and nurses lifted Scarlett out of the way and laid her on the floor on the other side of the room. One woman bent over her mouth, and a solid-looking man ripped open her shirt and started performing compressions on her flat chest, chanting out the rhythm.
    It seemed as though the man, who was at least six feet tall, was having trouble compressing her chest fully. Her ribs were barely moving.
    Julie steadied herself against the wall. The stabbing pain moved into her arms.
    She glanced over at the bed. The rails were down and orderlies were working on Pax with the paddles. But it didn’t seem like their efforts were as dedicated as the ones working on Scarlett.
    She had a life ahead of her.
    Julie pushed off from the wall and staggered toward the bed. Someday. Someday she’d forgive that girl for being alive—for daring to have a life—when her son never could.
    But not today.
    Her lips crushed against themselves. She felt every wrinkle, every sign of age in her body. She stepped around a nurse and looked down at her son.
    Pax was a statue, shining under the lights. His skin was made out of white stone. His hoodie had been zipped open, the gown slit down the center. He wasn’t breathing.
    His lips were the same color as his skin.
    His eyes.
    His eyes, dear God, were white all the way across. He really was like stone… am I crazy?
    The machines were still going haywire.
    Pax’s hands were by his sides. One of them lifted, gestured at the machines.
    And the irregular shrieking