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a secret. I was a spying school girl, peeking through a hole in the bathroom wall, listening through a crack in the door to things that were none of my business.
    Odessa was so beautiful and confident and Theo was just about the sexiest man I’d ever set eyes on. Even if I couldn’t say it out loud. I knew that I wanted to know their secrets. I wanted to understand what went on between the sheets in their bed. What makes her scream like that? I wished I could ask her.
    And she wanted to set me up at her party.
    I felt like a girl who had tumbled through the looking glass. What was I getting myself into?
     
     
     

That night, Cara delivered a futon , a bunch of boxes, and clothes from the condo. Henry had been kind enough to pack up my things. I was relieved and annoyed by the gesture. Cara also brought a bag of groceries, cereal, yogurt, fruit, and told me I needed more in my fridge than micro brews. Cara stayed until about 9:00 p.m., and we spent most of the time making up stories about how Sophia would dump Henry someday. After she left I crawled into my slightly more proper bed and found myself listening and wondering.
    What was that beautiful couple next door doing?
    At 10:00 p.m. they started. I hesitated a moment since now I had faces to attach to both the voices. There was Odessa in bed with her lover, Theo. The beautiful man with the wavy dark hair.
    I resisted for as long as I could. My whole body tingling, I slipped out of bed quietly this time, and padded across the floor towards the wall.
    The bed, the banging, the moaning, it all seemed louder this time. I couldn’t tell if it was my imagination but I felt as though the voices were coming through more than one wall, as if there were multiple beds in the other room. Odessa and Theo knew I lived here now. Wouldn’t they be quieter this time knowing I was only one very thin wall away?
    I ran my fingers up and down the stucco, growing wetter and weaker as I listened. What was wrong with me? I didn’t do things like this. I’d never even watched pornography, and here I found myself craving the moaning and screaming of a couple I’d only said hello to.
    I couldn’t resist. I slipped my fingers inside my panties and pressed up against my clit moving in steady circles. I closed my eyes trying to imagine what they were doing together. Was Theo going down on her, his tongue pressing against her like my fingers? Was he inside her now?
    The stranger’s voice from my dream replayed in my mind. “Tell me what you want.”
    When had I ever asked Henry for anything in bed? I’d never ever asked for what I wanted. I was horrified to realize I wouldn’t even know what to ask for. I’d never felt a need to ask or command. What did I really want out of a lover? I had no freaking idea.
    But I knew what I wanted now. I wanted to come. I wanted to feel like Odessa on the other side of the wall.
    My fingers moved faster, my body tensing, eyes closed.
    Odessa moaned. She sounded so free. I wondered what it would feel like to be unrestrained, uncontrolled, and wild.
    My whole body tensed as my breath moved in rhythm with the sound of their lovemaking. Did they do the same thing every night or explore each anew? I wanted them to come. I wanted to hear it. I needed it. I craved it.
    Their moaning grew louder; the sounds of the bed banging grew faster and stronger. I felt like a thief stealing someone else’s pleasure, but I knew if I could hear them, if I could listen to the moment they came together, I could own it, store it deep inside myself and draw it out while I slept.
    I wanted another dream with my stranger.
    They moved faster and faster. My breath and movements matching their pace; my body tensing with anticipation, and my thighs clenching.
    “Oh yes, baby,” Odessa moaned. “More, just like that, I want more.”
    “Yes, oh yes,” I whispered, my mouth open and body tense with pleasure as I rubbed faster and faster. I leaned my forehead against the stucco, my