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the centre of attention. You can always rely on her to make a scene. She rushes over to Clover, takes her hand and drags her towards the girls’ loo.
    “Eoi Moi Gawd!” Sophie shouts loudly, so that everyone can hear her. “You poor thing. You must be utterly traumatized.”
    “Oh I am, I am,” Clover says. I can tell she’s trying not to laugh. She secretly hands me something. I clutch it in my palm until we get into the loos. Then I look down. Two empty plastic vials in the shape of large pills. Fake blood from the joke shop. Now I understand. I feel a little sorry for Brett, it is rather extreme. But I can’t help smiling to myself all the same.
    While Clover washes the “blood” off her face and dabs at her T-shirt with a piece of damp, crumbling toilet paper, Sophie tells the audience in the loo about Clover’s horrific experience. The D4s are all ears, especially a certain girl called Charlene.

Chapter 7
    I race over to Clover’s after school on Monday. She’s lying sideways on Gran’s old sunlounger, face buried in the flowery orange and green seventies material of the cushion. She’s snoring loudly, making a strange clucking noise at the back of her throat, her breath whistling in and out of her mouth. Mum says Clover’s always snored, even as a baby, but Clover denies it.
    She looks really cute and I take a picture of her with my mobile. Hearing the click she stirs, flops on to her back and, putting her hand over her eyes to shade them from the bright sunlight, gives me a lazy-cat smile.
    “Hey, Beanie.” She rolls up her vest top and tucks it into the bottom of her bra, exposing her flat stomach to the rays. “Isn’t this sun gorge? How was school?”
    I sit down on the edge of the lounger, almost toppling it. I pull over a sun-bleached green plastic chair instead. “OK. Did you hear from Wendy? I’m dying to know.”
    Clover grins. “Sure did. The plan worked.”
    “Really?”
    “Yup. Her email’s probably still up on the screen if you want to have a look. Big success. And Saffy likes my piece on revenge. She said it’s very original, if a little dark. She’s edited it down, something about libel laws and getting sued.”
    “How exciting! Your very first article. Can I read it?”
    Clover grins. “Sure.” She reaches down and grabs a purple plastic folder off the grass and hands it to me. I start to read an extract.
    Wronged by a Boy? Want Revenge?
    Read our Fab Revenge Tips from
The Goss’s
Resident Revenge Expert, Clover M. Wildgust
    “Expert?” I look at Clover and raise my eyebrows.
    Clover laughs. “Hey, I dealt with Brett, didn’t I?”
    I smile and read on.
    Girls, you need to plan your revenge carefully. Think of it as a military campaign. Decide if you want to attack the enemy or defend yourself and your good name.
    Attack:
    Plant a pink Mills & Boon romance book in his school bag. When he pulls his books out he’ll get quite a shock. Hopefully his class will see it too!
    If you know where he keeps his mobile phone, set the ringtone to play a piece of warbling opera singing or classical music. The louder the better.
    Plant pink sticky notes on his books and in his lunchbox: “I love you, darling. XXX Mummy”; “Remember how special you are, pooky. XXX Mumsie”; “Love is a great big hug from Mummy. XXX”. They’ll go down a treat.
    Tell the biggest gossip in your class that he secretly does ballet classes and still plays with LEGO.
    And if you want to get really nasty:
    Smear the inside of his school bag with mackerel pate or pop a mackerel sambo in one of the pockets (boys never clean out their bags). Girls, after a few days it’ll yang like nothing human!
    Plant mustard and cress seeds at the back of his locker – and add water of course! Boys never clean out their lockers either: it’ll be a lush green forest before he even notices.
    Defence, instead of attack:
    Remember, the best revenge of all is success. Yours!
    Write a short story or a whole novel and