suspense was criminal.
I watched as Simon ran his hand through his hair. He sighed, loud and meaningfully, then, at last, he spoke.
‘Are you sure?’
‘I went to the doctor’s.’
‘I thought you were on the pill.’
‘I am.’
‘Why didn’t you tell me before?’
‘I wanted to be sure.’
He sighed again, louder and longer this time, like all the air was being blown out of him. My heart sank. He wasn’t happy. He was going to say I’d conned him by getting pregnant. He was going to say we had to abort it. I realised I was holding my breath.
‘Well,’ he said, finally. ‘I suppose we need to find somewhere to live then.’
For the second time in a day, I was the happiest person in the world.
My smile almost vanished a few days later when my blood test came back from the lab. For a moment I thought the doctor had said I was already four and a half months gone. That was impossible. I would have noticed.
He smiled. ‘There’s no doubt about it, Kerry. You’ll be a mum before Christmas.’
For the first time I had a real sense of panic. We no longer had most of a year to find a decent home for our new baby, like we’d thought. We had a month or two. Could we find anywhere in that time and get it ready for a baby? And then there was my waitressing job. I’d have to think about giving that up sooner rather than later, but I needed the money. We didn’t have a thing for a baby. No home, no cot; not even a bottle.
There were a few stressful days at Jane’s after that. I couldn’t help telling Simon he would have to pull his finger out, even though I knew he was doing his best. I admit I was beginning to get frightened– we both were, I realised later – and I suppose we took it out on each other. It didn’t help that his work was taking him further and further from Sheffield. Sometimes he’d have to stop over in Birmingham or Wales, and I wouldn’t see him for two or three nights. When we did, our money worries and home problems just caused more rows. And then one day, we just stopped arguing.
It was at the hospital. I’d gone for my scan. Most women have one at twelve weeks but I was way beyond that. Simon came with me and held my hand as the nurse lifted my top back and rubbed the cold gel on my tummy. Then we both looked at each other open-mouthed as she started probing the gel with what looked like a TV remote control and images began to flicker on the screen next to her.
For a few seconds the nurse didn’t say anything. She just stared at the monitor as she jabbed the remote control this way and that on my belly. I couldn’t make out what she was looking at. To me, it looked like television interference. Then she stopped moving her hand and said, ‘Found you!’
That’s when I realised she wasn’t talking to me or Simon. She was talking to our baby.
‘There’s the heart, can you see it?’
I thought she was having me on. I honestly did. I could only see a snowstorm on the screen. I looked at Simon. He was obviously seeing the same swirling mess as I was. I started to get anxious. What was I doing wrong?
And then for some reason my eyes just focused and I saw him. A tiny little shape: little hands, little feet, little head; folded over and bobbing around. And there was the heart. Pulsing and throbbing.
It was my baby.
There were all these questions I wanted to ask but my mouth was just hanging open. I was watching my little baby in my tummy and I already knew I loved him. And I loved Simon too. Watching him, watching our baby, all the arguments of the last few days disappeared. Look what we’d made together! That was the only thing that mattered in the world. He wasn’t even born yet, but our baby had the power to bring us together.
Simon was obviously motivated by the experience because a couple of days later he announced we had a new home. It took me under an hour to pack. Thirty minutes after that, we were standing outside a block of flats.
We were only a short walk
I watched as Simon ran his hand through his hair. He sighed, loud and meaningfully, then, at last, he spoke.
‘Are you sure?’
‘I went to the doctor’s.’
‘I thought you were on the pill.’
‘I am.’
‘Why didn’t you tell me before?’
‘I wanted to be sure.’
He sighed again, louder and longer this time, like all the air was being blown out of him. My heart sank. He wasn’t happy. He was going to say I’d conned him by getting pregnant. He was going to say we had to abort it. I realised I was holding my breath.
‘Well,’ he said, finally. ‘I suppose we need to find somewhere to live then.’
For the second time in a day, I was the happiest person in the world.
My smile almost vanished a few days later when my blood test came back from the lab. For a moment I thought the doctor had said I was already four and a half months gone. That was impossible. I would have noticed.
He smiled. ‘There’s no doubt about it, Kerry. You’ll be a mum before Christmas.’
For the first time I had a real sense of panic. We no longer had most of a year to find a decent home for our new baby, like we’d thought. We had a month or two. Could we find anywhere in that time and get it ready for a baby? And then there was my waitressing job. I’d have to think about giving that up sooner rather than later, but I needed the money. We didn’t have a thing for a baby. No home, no cot; not even a bottle.
There were a few stressful days at Jane’s after that. I couldn’t help telling Simon he would have to pull his finger out, even though I knew he was doing his best. I admit I was beginning to get frightened– we both were, I realised later – and I suppose we took it out on each other. It didn’t help that his work was taking him further and further from Sheffield. Sometimes he’d have to stop over in Birmingham or Wales, and I wouldn’t see him for two or three nights. When we did, our money worries and home problems just caused more rows. And then one day, we just stopped arguing.
It was at the hospital. I’d gone for my scan. Most women have one at twelve weeks but I was way beyond that. Simon came with me and held my hand as the nurse lifted my top back and rubbed the cold gel on my tummy. Then we both looked at each other open-mouthed as she started probing the gel with what looked like a TV remote control and images began to flicker on the screen next to her.
For a few seconds the nurse didn’t say anything. She just stared at the monitor as she jabbed the remote control this way and that on my belly. I couldn’t make out what she was looking at. To me, it looked like television interference. Then she stopped moving her hand and said, ‘Found you!’
That’s when I realised she wasn’t talking to me or Simon. She was talking to our baby.
‘There’s the heart, can you see it?’
I thought she was having me on. I honestly did. I could only see a snowstorm on the screen. I looked at Simon. He was obviously seeing the same swirling mess as I was. I started to get anxious. What was I doing wrong?
And then for some reason my eyes just focused and I saw him. A tiny little shape: little hands, little feet, little head; folded over and bobbing around. And there was the heart. Pulsing and throbbing.
It was my baby.
There were all these questions I wanted to ask but my mouth was just hanging open. I was watching my little baby in my tummy and I already knew I loved him. And I loved Simon too. Watching him, watching our baby, all the arguments of the last few days disappeared. Look what we’d made together! That was the only thing that mattered in the world. He wasn’t even born yet, but our baby had the power to bring us together.
Simon was obviously motivated by the experience because a couple of days later he announced we had a new home. It took me under an hour to pack. Thirty minutes after that, we were standing outside a block of flats.
We were only a short walk
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