A Hoboken Hipster In Sherwood Forest
thinks I'm a guy. I mean, I can accept the fact that the legendary outlaw hasn't lived up to all my expectations so far, but I'm still pretty positive he's hetero.
    We take a sharp left and then Robin stops short. He glances from side to side, searching for something, then his eyes light up and he pulls back some hanging vines. Behind them lies a dark, tiny cave cut into the hillside, not even big enough to stand up in.
    "Get in," he instructs.
    I stare at him, wide-eyed. "I can't go in there. I'm claustrophobic."
    "They will kill you if you do not." He shrugs, as if my state of existence doesn't mean jack to him. Which it probably doesn't, now that I think about it. In all honesty, I've ruined the guy's peaceful morning and forced him to run for his life. Yup, he's psyched to have me around, I'm sure.
    "Fine." I stomp into the cave, realizing I'm acting as spoiled as a five-year-old who's been denied Wedding Dress Barbie. The only reason we're here is because of my foolish heroics. And, like the method or not, Robin is trying to save my life.
    He ducks in behind me and pulls the vines down over the entrance. We're now stuck in a damp darkness that clings to my bones and twists my stomach into knots. I try to steady my breath with those yoga breathing exercises again as the blackness seems to close in.
    I can feel Robin squashed beside me, breathing hard, and for some reason this makes me feel a little better. He shuffles to crouch in a more comfortable position and his leg brushes against mine. Again, his touch sends electric sparks up into me and I suppress a shiver. Just great. The first guy I'm attracted to after my cheating husband is a legendary outlaw from the 12th century who thinks I'm a guy. I sure know how to pick them.
    "Which way did they go?" The soldiers' cries get louder as they grow nearer. My heart pounds triple-time as I realize they're now right outside the clearing. I can see their horses' hooves stamping from behind the vines. I swallow hard, fear of caves replaced by a much more rational fear of evil medieval men-at-arms with big scary swords.
    "This way, I think," says one of the soldiers, who sounds a bit further off than the others. "I see some trampled branches."
    "Excellent." The first soldier urges his horse on and gallops away, leaving Robin and me to squat in silent relief.
    "We’ll stay here a bit longer," he whispers. “To be sure they do not come back around."
    For a brief moment, I feel exhilarated by our daring escape and don't even mind staying crouched in cramped darkness with a sexy outlaw for a few more minutes. Then I have to pee and suddenly the situation seems a lot less comfy-cozy.
    I suppress my bladder's urges as long as possible before speaking. "Um, Rob? You think the coast is clear? 'Cause I got to pee like a racehorse."
    He laughs softly. "You speak with the strangest tongue, lad." He pats my knee. "I will check. Stay here." He crawls out of the cave, giving me a good view of his muscular backside. I know I shouldn't be staring, but trust me, if you saw a butt like this guy's you'd stare too.
    "Are we good?" I ask, crossing my fingers for an affirmative answer. There's no way I'll be able to hold out much longer.
    "Aye," he says.
    Grateful, I pop out of the cave and dive into the bushes to pee. I wonder if eunuchs usually pee standing up or sitting down. I would assume still standing up, right?
    I glance back at Robin. He's got his back respectably turned, so I decide to squat. I grab random leaves to wipe, praying that none of them are medieval species of poison ivy. I'm deathly allergic to the stuff and there's no cortisone here to bring down the swelling.
    When finished, I approach Robin.
    "So you think we're safe?" I ask.
    He shrugs. "For now." He paces a few steps, then turns to look at me. "You have put yourself in danger, boy. If either of those guards remembers your face, they will put a price on your head and declare you an outlaw."
    Oh, great. First day in medieval

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