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work, to bug your dad, your pal, whaddaya gonna do?”
    “I don’t know.”
    “You’re gonna ignore her.” Ignaw huh.
    “O K ay,” Brian said agreeably. “So, can I try your cigarette?”
    “I ever catch you smoking I’ll smack your mouth,” Tommy said with a quick swat at the air. Brian darted back inside.
    “Wow,” I marveled. “You rule the roost, don’t you?”
    “It takes everything I got, lemme tell ya,” Tommy said through a weary exhalation of smoke. “I work hard. I pitch in around the house. I keep Brian and Lorrie out of the way when Amy’s taking care of the babies. She plays this game, though. Gets them to side with her. She can be a real ballbuster.”
    “Maybe you should stop having kids?” I offered tentatively.
    “It’s Amy who wants ’em. She wants five. But I’m through. The only times I’ve had sex in the last five years, out pops a kid.” He took a big swig, burped faintly and whispered, “Only time I had sex with her.”
    “Whoa, Tommy.” I peered around to see if anyone had been in earshot.
    “Oh, come on. You understand. You’re a gay guy. You know what it’s like to mess around.”
    “You think so?”
    “Look, I work in Manhattan. I know about this stuff. The fags at work—sorry, gay guys—they get a lot of sex. Even the ones in relationships.”
    “It’s a testosterone thing. No female hormones to balance things out.”
    He looked over his shoulder to see if the coast was still clear. “I use an escort service. A call girl. Classy. Clean. She meets me at a gentlemen’s club, I buy some drinks, go back to a hotel. I’m home by one a.m., a satisfied customer. I’ll tell you the truth, Amy’s better off with me blowing off a little steam.”
    “So she doesn’t know.”
    “I deny it when she asks. You understand.”
    “Hey, I’m in a monogamous relationship.”
    “Yeah? You make some kinda vow?”
    “Not quite,” I said, wondering what that would be like—taking a vow, making public expression of what had previously been a private arrangement. The forever of it, the weight. “Woody’s a great guy, but he’s one-hundred-percent opposed to cheating. I don’t want to screw it up. Based on the way I’ve played around in the past, it hasn’t always been easy.”
    “Trust me, you got it easy,” Tommy said. “Being married to the opposite sex is work.”
    A moment later, Amy reappeared, flashing him a look that said enough already, and this time Tommy extinguished his cigarette and headed back into the living room. I lingered in the cold air until my fingers started to feel numb, and then I, too, went back inside, a little tipsy now, a little less anxious facing the gathered clan.
    The next day, after the funeral mass had come and gone, after a trip to the cemetery and another round of food and drink and sneaked cigarettes, Tommy reached past my hand, extended for a farewell shake, to pull me in for a hug. “Don’t be a stranger,” he whispered in my ear. “Family is family.” And for the second time in two days he moved me right to the edge of tears.
    “You ever come to San Francisco, Tommy?”
    “I’m working on a couple of West Coast accounts, so who knows.”
    I smiled at the idea, imagining Tommy making a little time for his black sheep cousin before heading out for a lap dance. “Sure, come for a visit,” I told him. “We’ve got plenty of places to blow off steam.” He gave me a knowing wink and headed down the shoveled walkway to the street, where Amy had their minivan warming up and the kids corralled, all of it waiting for him.
     
     
    But first: The night of the wake, drunk on vodka after everyone had left, I was enlisted by Deirdre to find my father’s wedding ring. “Find it where?” I asked.
    “Search the house. The hospital doesn’t have it. The mortician doesn’t have it.”
    AJ was asleep in her arms. He was too big to be carried, I could see that in the strain of her muscles. Or maybe not. Maybe five isn’t too