from Liam lately.â
I nearly tell her about his birthday, but something stops me. âNo,â I say â and then, like I donât care, âThereâd be no point.â
âThat lad singing,â she says, âput me in mind of him.â Wincing, she eases her shoulders. âI hope heâs happier now.â
Chapter Six
Sunday. Mumâs voice, amused, breaks into my thoughts. âAre you going to sit reading all morning?â
She canât have noticed that Iâve barely turned a page. Iâve been dreaming the dreams I usually save for when Iâm staring out to sea â where only the sand reads my thoughts about Liam. Millions of billions of trillions of grains of sand, all washed away in one powerful frothy suck. I know one day thereâll be someone else. There has to be. This canât be it. Iâm sixteen.
I stand up and lean against the sink. Through the window I watch a family carry picnic things towards the dunes. The mum looks fed up, and I want to call out and tell her how lucky she is. Mum hears their voices. âWhy donât you get some fresh air?â she says. âTake Toffee out.â
I turn away from the window. âOkay.â
âYou could go and see those twins at Kirstyâs.â
Yes, I think. Iâll do that.
Weekends at the Kellysâ are the same as any other day. Like Mrs Kelly says, âNo peace for the wicked!â The house is a complete contrast to ours. I think of Mum: quiet, longing for a nap that will take her somewhere pain-free. Today at Kirstyâs, with these twins, itâs non-stop jabbering. Mind you, Iâve heard it noisier than this. While Liam was here, there was a kid who could only talk at full volume; shouted every word. Turned out his mum was going deaf and heâd forgotten how to speak normally. He wasnât here for long. His dad got back off the oil rig, and his mum came out of hospital.
Good as gold, Toffee sits beside me while I help Kirsty give the twins their dinner. Iâm feeding the little boy while Kirsty feeds the girl. My toddler, Aidan, is easy to deal with â apart from grabbing the spoon and wanting to feed himself.
Mrs Kelly checks a tin of roast potatoes in the oven, then folds flour into the buns sheâs making. âAmy, love, let Aidan try on his own.â I do what she suggests, but the spoonful of pasta in tomato sauce flies over his shoulder. Toffee catches it in mid-air, and we all double up laughing. The other twin, Eleanor â food smeared over half her face â beams at me. While sheâs still grinning, Kirsty manages to slip a spoonful of pasta into her mouth, instead of onto her eyebrows. Kirsty and I plough on, until Mrs Kelly says she thinks weâve done our bit with their first course. Pudding is easier. Little pots of fruity yogurt quickly vanish.
Sunlight from the door into the hallway is suddenly blotted out. I look up. This must be the teenager. Wow, heâs big⦠Not actually fat, just man-sized. Shoulders like heâs built for American football. Kirsty waves a little plastic spoon at him. âHi, Shaun â this is Amy.â He pulls out a chair and sits at the table. âWhatâve you been doing?â she says.
He shrugs, and biceps like a weightlifterâs bulge out of his short-sleeved grey T-shirt. âNothing.â
I want to tell him he must have done something , even if itâs only breathing, but that would be cruel because he doesnât look happy.
Kirsty and I exchange glances. We carry on making a fuss of the twins, and she says, âShaunâs coming to our school.â
He looks at Mrs Kelly and says, âAm I?â
How weird â him not knowing which school heâs going to.
Mrs Kelly stops stirring the bun mixture. âYes, you areâ¦I thought I told you.â
I look at Shaunâs big round face. Something that, to me, would be so important, doesnât