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his wishes, I wasn’t going to tell anyone what happened to him.
    â€œI’ll text you later, okay?” he said, leaning in and giving me a kiss.
    I didn’t want him to go. That exchange between us was true bonding. I could feel the vulnerability, and the rawness in his heart. He was going through something awful trying to become a member of Pi Lambda Beta.
    â€œWhat the heck am I thinking?” he said, quickly pulling away. “Girl, you gonna make my other eye get tore up,” he said as he looked over his shoulder.
    â€œDid Butch do that?” I said, finally touching the tender black-and-blue bruise.
    â€œOuch,” he said.
    I gently rubbed his bruise. I wanted us to be far away from any distractions. I was just a girl, liking a boy, wishing we could have time without drama.
    â€œUmm, that feels good, but I gotta go, Hayden. I’ll text you. I’m okay. That kiss you gave me is gonna make me endure any little thing Butch wants to throw my way. But, I will tell you this.”
    â€œWhat?”
    â€œHe threw your relationship with him in my face and said he had you in every way, and, uh, it sorta made me push him, so he punched me. For some reason, all our talks last year, I just assumed ...”
    â€œThat I was a virgin?” I interrupted, hoping he really knew me. “I am, and at this point with all this stupid pledging stuff you and Butch are doing, neither one of you is going to change that.”
    I was angry hearing they were talking about me in some dumb hazing session. Though Creed thought it was honorable, I wanted to be left out of it. I tossed his shades to him and stormed off.
    I didn’t know who I was really mad at. But how could Butch lie like that and why did Creed think he needed to defend my honor? What, did he think it was true? I hadn’t even started pledging and it hurt already. It seemed like maybe the whole pledging idea was a dumb one.
    Â 
    â€œSo, the Betas are having a self-esteem forum and you’re not going?” Chandra said to me as she came into my room with Bridget and Myra.
    I missed the friendship the four of us used to have, but now in our sophomore year, not even a full semester into it, we were so far apart. We never spent time together. We never talked about anything. To see the three of them come into my room because they thought something was wrong with me, as I lay across my bed, feeling completely perplexed, touched me.
    â€œI can’t believe she’s not going,” Myra said.
    â€œGirl, you know they gonna be looking for you because they know you want to pledge and put them Beta Gamma Pi letters on your jacket this spring. You know they want you to show up for some of their stuff, but if they want you, you’re not automatically blackballed because you’re not there. You could be studying for a major test or something. Relax if you want, girl,” Chandra said. “That’s why I’m not pledging nothing. A lot of the fraternities around here already got underground lines going. Boys falling asleep in class. They can’t wear nothing but a white long sleeve shirt and khaki pants. You can tell the ones. I’m not letting no female strip away my dignity.”
    â€œThat’s just it though, y’all,” I said, finally sitting up as I stared up at my ceiling.
    â€œIt’s not supposed to be about any of that. I’ve been researching the history and all these organizations were founded back in the early nineteen hundreds. That’s when black folks didn’t have many rights and they formed these organizations to come together, to make a difference in the community, to stand on God’s word, to get a good education and uplift one another. All this bashing, all this, ‘You better do what I say or hit the highway’ mentality, just defeats the whole purpose.”
    â€œWhat are you talking about, Hayden? You sound like you want to go pick up a picket sign and