Read Witch Doctor - Wiz in Rhyme-3 for Free Online Page A

surprised me, I suppose-the mind plays funny tricks
    on itself, and this was just my subconscious' way of getting itself to believe it could cope with whatever was coming. I suppose. But I happened to notice a tickling in my thumbs.
    The dust cloud died down, and there sat an ancient crone in a gown of charcoal gray.
    That, I could live with, given the milieu-I had seen her before, in my extreme youth, in dozens of illustrations in books of fairy tales.
    What threw me, though, was that she was sitting at a desk, with papers strewn all over it, and a quill pen in an inkwell.
    "You have cast two unauthorized spells in the space of half an hour."
    Two?
    Spells?
    The crone wheezed on. " 'Sobaka,' said I to meself, 'there's nothing for it but to come hither and gaze-and aye, there he be!
    Yonder he stands, flaming with zeal to oust the palsied old witch-woman from her bailiwick and take her peasants for his own! If there's aught I cannot abide, 'tis a bursting new magus!"
    "Hey now, wait a minute!" I was beginning to get angry again. "I don't want anybody's 'bailiwick'-and you can't own people!"
    "Blasphemy!" she cried. "Not only a magus, but also a liar! As if 'tweren't a plentitude of folk in the art one must struggle with as
    'tis!
    Aye, a body's no sooner believing she's secure in her place, to lord it over her own trembling churls in easy breath, when, whoosh!
    Another young'un crops up, with cheek and with challenge, to be put in his place. It's no wonder the land's going to the pigs, with half the peasants turning to bandits, and a good number of them trying to out-evil their own township witch! And all from letting delinquents get out of hand! Abe, for the auld days! When younglings knew their places, or we had leave to fry them!"
    "Leave?" I glanced at the desk again. "Who gives you leave to blast people or not?"
    "Why, my master, fool, Queen Suettay!"
    "Sweaty?" I stared; it struck me as an odd name for royalty.
    "Nay, fool-Suettay! And be sure you do not take her name in vain, or she will surely appear to blast you!"
    That gave me back some composure. I smiled, not too nicely; I'd heard that before, though usually about a personality a bit higher than an earthly monarch-that you have to talk nicely about Him, or He'll
    strike you with a lightning bolt. But I've seen and heard an awful lot of people saying nasty things about God, and I've never no ticed any of them running afoul of large doses of
    electricity-except for the one who was working on a live wire at the time, and he didn't start cursing until after he got zapped. "Okay, so she's Queen Suet-ty." I had a mental image of a very, very fat lady looking like an awning pavilion with a crown on top.
    "Suettay!" the old witch snapped. "Speak her name properly, crack-pate, or she will wish you ill indeed!"
    Now I had it-the French word for wishes, intentions, as in, "I wish you a good day." The pronunciation had thrown me off, that was all. "Whatever. And this Queen Suettay will zap you, if you zap me?
    " "Without showing you the error of your ways, aye. I am the bailiff of this bailiwick, given authority to see to its taxes and enforce the queen's laws o'erit! 'Tis for me to see you are noted in its book, and deal you work to do that will give the queen crops-or, if I have no need of you, to another."
    I bridled instantly. I mean, had I left my own civilized universe, with running water and modern medicine, just to come to a godforsaken medieval backwater that still made me cope with a bureaucracy? "Okay," I snapped, "so you've got the authority to issue me a travel pass, or whatever, because you're the witch in charge of the local parish ...
    "Bailiwick!" she screamed. "Speak not in the words of the Flock!"
    I frowned. Flock? Then I remembered the parable of the Good Shepherd, and that "ecclesia" literally means "flock," and I understood. So anything having to do with Christianity was anathema to her, huh? Maybe I could use that-but I kept it in reserve. After all,