phone when Stephanie came in and stretched out across the foot of my bed.
âThis is the weirdest Christmas ever. Itâs like the normal parts of Christmas just kind of fade into the background because of what happened to Matt,â she said. âMama and Barry are just sitting at the hospital. I feel so guilty.â
âWhy do you feel guilty?â
âWell, you promise you wonât tell anyone this, right?â
âPromise.â
âI wished something bad would happen to him,â she said, twisting a length of her dark hair around her finger. âAnd now something did.â
So Iâd been right. It made me feel kind of good to think that she wasnât perfect.
âYou donât really think it was your fault,â I said. âHeâd been drinking, right? It was his own fault.â
âIn my head, I know that. But I still feel guilty. Youâre not supposed to wish for bad things to happen to people!â
âI seriously wish something bad would happen to that Carla girl who called me âanimal,ââ I said.
Stephanie laid her head down and pulled her knees to her chin. âWell, thatâs different. Mattâs my stepbrother. I mean, Iâm supposed to love him. But he doesnât love me.â
I looked at Stephanie with her shiny, dark hair and wide brown eyes. âIâve found that a lot of people donât like me, and they donât even know me. You canât make everyone love you, Steph.â
Stephanie looked at me and pressed her lips together. âI hadnât really thought about that before, but I do want everyone to love me,â she said. âI didnât know that was bad.â
âBe like me. Donât care!â
âI canât help caring. Besides, you do care!â Stephanie said accusingly, sitting up. âYou pretend you donât, but you do.â
âDo not!â
âDo!â She pointed at my phone. âYou care about whether your dad loves you.â
I cradled the phone next to my chest. âOkay, I care about some people, yes.â
We were silent for a moment. Stephanie knew me better than I thought. Better even than I knew myself, maybe. I had come to depend on getting her opinion on so many things.
At that moment, our doorbell rang.
âWonder who that is, on Christmas Day,â Stephanie said.
Norm answered, saying, âWell, hello!â Stephanie and I ran out to the upstairs landing to see who it was and looked down into our front hall. A group of dripping kids dressed in rain slickers stood at our door. Stephanieâs friend Colleen, with her pink cheeks and straight blonde hair, was one of them.
âHi, Mr. Verra. Stephanie texted me and said sheâd changed her plans and was staying here over Christmas, right?â Colleen asked. âWeâre going caroling, and we were wondering if she could come with us.â
âHey!â Stephanie said, racing down the stairs. âHowâre you guys doing? Youâre caroling? Daddy, can I go?â
âItâs raining!â Norm said.
âSo? Even more need to bring good cheer,â said one of the boys. I looked at him more closely and saw the uncombed blond hair and the silver earring. That new guy, Noah, from my Spanish class!
âPlease?â Colleen begged. âSheâll only be gone for acouple of hours. My dad is driving us to the different neighborhoods.â
I stood at the top of the stairs, looking down. It was definitely Noah.
âHey, and Diana can come too.â Stephanie glanced over her shoulder.
I saw all of them as they looked up at me. I saw the fleeting looks of avoidance and the quick effort to mask the way they really felt.
âSure, yeah,â said Colleen.
âYeah,â said Noah.
âNo, I donât want to,â I said. I walked back to my room and shut my door. Norm must have then asked the kids to come inside and sing a song for him,