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Which resulted in CJ planting a kiss on me. Which I wasn’t prepared for and almost choked because of. Which resulted in me reacting by pushing him away.
    â€œWhat are you doing!?” I whisper-shouted at him.
    â€œI was responding to our secret signal,” he said.
    And that’s when I noticed that the Family Guy Band-Aid was now sticking to his mouth. He looked so silly, I couldn’t help but laugh. Which gave me an idea.
    â€œOh God, you’re so funny, CJ,” I said as I took the Band-Aid and put it back on before anyone could get a good look at my lip. I turned to Lynn and Jeremy. “Isn’t he hilarious, you guys? What a joker! I mean, he knew I was clearing my throat for real and not as a secret signal, but he kissed me anyway, just to be funny. And as if that weren’t enough, he managed to get that goofy Band-Aid to stick to his mouth too.”
    (I never said the idea was a good idea.)
    Jeremy and Lynn gave their best fake laugh, which was very sweet of them. But as much as I told myself it was genuine, the truth is, I wasn’t fooled. I guess they’re a better couple than me and CJ are. But they’ve also been at it longer.
    â€œHow ’bout we open presents?” Lynn suggested. She was trying to get us all to forget my pathetic display, but all it did was remind me of my other problem.
    My eyes darted to CJ to see what he would do. If he looked nervous or embarrassed, then I’d know he forgot to bring something and I could pretend my gifts were from both of us. (I’d deal with the pain and feelings of rejection later.) But he didn’t look nervous at all. He just looked . . . like he was taking out his wallet.
    What’s small enough to fit in a wallet? I wondered as I picked my shopping bag up off the floor.
    We decided that we’d open all of my gifts first and then take turns going around the table. Lynn loved the black makeup set I got her, and Jeremy adored the bathroom jokes book I got him. “Does this have the one about the ghost poopie?” he asked.
    â€œYes!” I told him. I guess I never realized we had the same sense of humor. Maybe if he was my boyfriend, I wouldn’t have so much trouble coming up with an inside joke for us.
    Next CJ opened my present. I was so excited as he slowly unwrapped the gift, carefully peeling each piece of Scotch tape off the paper, making sure to avoid even the tiniest tear, I almost grabbed it our of his hand and opened it myself. When he finally got it out, I yelled, “It’s a complete Lord of the Rings DVD boxed set! Isn’t it great?” Which was kind of ridiculous because he could see that it was a Lord of the Rings boxed set. But I was so proud of myself for finding him the perfect present, I couldn’t really help myself.
    Anyway, I could tell he liked it because he said, “Thanks for this Lord of the Rings boxed set. I like it,” so at least that part of the evening went well. If nothing else, maybe he’ll really miss me because of my gift-giving abilities.
    Next we opened Lynn’s presents. She made me a scrapbook with all these pictures of the two of us goofing around—at the CoolerThanYou meetings, at her house and my house, at parties . . . It also had stuff I wrote for the zine and notes we’d passed each other in class, and she decorated it with drawings and wrapping paper and calligraphy. It was really sweet and made me feel like she genuinely cares about me. (Normally I prefer store-bought presents to homemade, but maybe that’s because my homemade gifts are usually from Lola and they’re not so much made as picked up off the floor.)
    I have no idea what Lynn got for Jeremy or CJ because after I opened my gift I became consumed with wonder over what could possibly be in CJ’s wallet. I only started paying attention again when it was time for me to open my gift from Jeremy. He got me a T-shirt with a monkey on it.