black one-shoulder
dress I had stuffed away in my carry-on bag, and then I slipped on my shoes and
grabbed my handbag.
Before I left my room, I looked down at my engagement ring
and, once again, decided not to wear it to the funeral.
The funeral started at noon, and I wanted to be on time, so instead
of taking another taxi, I called Enterprise to rent a car, and had them pick me
up. I needed a car to get around anyway, since I wanted to do a little sightseeing
before I left, and it would have been extremely expensive to do it while the meter
was running. It didn’t take long for me to get the car, so I was on the road and
within two miles of the church in less than thirty minutes.
When I arrived at the church on the corner of Princess Anne Road
and Church Street, I took a deep breath and convinced myself that I would be all
right. Cars and trucks were parked everywhere. I had no idea Nikki’s funeral would
be that damn big. The church was packed from one wall to the other. When I looked
at the faces of all those people I realized that they were relatives of hers from
her mother’s side of the family. There were also a lot of chicks who went to Norfolk
State with her sitting near her relatives too. I smiled and took a seat in the third
row.
Uncle Lanier and his wife were seated in the very first row.
I wanted to be as far away from them as possible. I couldn’t afford to be humiliated
in front of everyone—not today, or any other day for that matter.
Finally, after everyone got to their seats, the minister started
the service. Nikki’s mother immediately broke down into tears and cried the entire
time. During the eulogy I heard Nikki’s aunt on her mother’s side say that Nikki
was in a better place.
I immediately thought about the day Nikki was murdered. I didn’t
remember her asking God for forgiveness. She was pleading for her life as I recalled.
I don’t think she had enough time to talk to God. If she did, she must’ve snuck
in a quick forgive-me prayer underneath her breath right before that iron went right
through her. For her sake, I sure hope she did. From the way my grandmother used
to talk about how hot hell was, I wouldn’t want to wish that on my worst enemy.
Oh, well, only God know where she would end up.
Immediately after the eulogy was read, some godforsaken old lady
got up to sing “His Eye is on the Sparrow,” and I swear to you, I wanted to puke.
This lady sounded like pure shit, and I wanted so badly to tell her to shut up,
while everyone around me was telling her to take her time.
Aside from that, this was truly a sad occasion. I could now imagine
how my funeral was when everyone thought I was dead and I was hiding out in the
Witness Protection Program. To see someone you were once close to go away from this
earth was like losing a part of yourself. And even though Nikki and I weren’t on
the best of terms before she got murdered, in some kind of weird way, I felt a sense
of loss. I wasn’t that fucking coldhearted, at least not to my family.
After the burial everybody got in their cars and followed one
another back to my uncle’s home for a gathering. I started not to go, but my uncle
insisted that I needed to be amongst family, so I tagged along. When I arrived at
his home, I did everything within my power to avoid a run-in with his wife, who
hated my guts. Whenever I saw her coming in my direction, I went the opposite way.
I greeted a few people who knew me through Nikki. They all spoke
very highly of her, talking about how she was gonna be missed because she had been
an instrumental part in their lives. I found that very hard to believe, because
she was a jealous bitch to me. She tried everything in her power to destroy me,
so I wouldn’t be missing her at all. I honestly wanted to throw up when I heard
one of her old classmates say how Nikki used to have her back and how she would
take her home on the nights they had late classes