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black one-shoulder
    dress I had stuffed away in my carry-on bag, and then I slipped on my shoes and
    grabbed my handbag.
    Before I left my room, I looked down at my engagement ring
    and, once again, decided not to wear it to the funeral.
    The funeral started at noon, and I wanted to be on time, so instead
    of taking another taxi, I called Enterprise to rent a car, and had them pick me
    up. I needed a car to get around anyway, since I wanted to do a little sightseeing
    before I left, and it would have been extremely expensive to do it while the meter
    was running. It didn’t take long for me to get the car, so I was on the road and
    within two miles of the church in less than thirty minutes.
    When I arrived at the church on the corner of Princess Anne Road
    and Church Street, I took a deep breath and convinced myself that I would be all
    right. Cars and trucks were parked everywhere. I had no idea Nikki’s funeral would
    be that damn big. The church was packed from one wall to the other. When I looked
    at the faces of all those people I realized that they were relatives of hers from
    her mother’s side of the family. There were also a lot of chicks who went to Norfolk
    State with her sitting near her relatives too. I smiled and took a seat in the third
    row.
    Uncle Lanier and his wife were seated in the very first row.
    I wanted to be as far away from them as possible. I couldn’t afford to be humiliated
    in front of everyone—not today, or any other day for that matter.
    Finally, after everyone got to their seats, the minister started
    the service. Nikki’s mother immediately broke down into tears and cried the entire
    time. During the eulogy I heard Nikki’s aunt on her mother’s side say that Nikki
    was in a better place.
    I immediately thought about the day Nikki was murdered. I didn’t
    remember her asking God for forgiveness. She was pleading for her life as I recalled.
    I don’t think she had enough time to talk to God. If she did, she must’ve snuck
    in a quick forgive-me prayer underneath her breath right before that iron went right
    through her. For her sake, I sure hope she did. From the way my grandmother used
    to talk about how hot hell was, I wouldn’t want to wish that on my worst enemy.
    Oh, well, only God know where she would end up.
    Immediately after the eulogy was read, some godforsaken old lady
    got up to sing “His Eye is on the Sparrow,” and I swear to you, I wanted to puke.
    This lady sounded like pure shit, and I wanted so badly to tell her to shut up,
    while everyone around me was telling her to take her time.
    Aside from that, this was truly a sad occasion. I could now imagine
    how my funeral was when everyone thought I was dead and I was hiding out in the
    Witness Protection Program. To see someone you were once close to go away from this
    earth was like losing a part of yourself. And even though Nikki and I weren’t on
    the best of terms before she got murdered, in some kind of weird way, I felt a sense
    of loss. I wasn’t that fucking coldhearted, at least not to my family.
    After the burial everybody got in their cars and followed one
    another back to my uncle’s home for a gathering. I started not to go, but my uncle
    insisted that I needed to be amongst family, so I tagged along. When I arrived at
    his home, I did everything within my power to avoid a run-in with his wife, who
    hated my guts. Whenever I saw her coming in my direction, I went the opposite way.
    I greeted a few people who knew me through Nikki. They all spoke
    very highly of her, talking about how she was gonna be missed because she had been
    an instrumental part in their lives. I found that very hard to believe, because
    she was a jealous bitch to me. She tried everything in her power to destroy me,
    so I wouldn’t be missing her at all. I honestly wanted to throw up when I heard
    one of her old classmates say how Nikki used to have her back and how she would
    take her home on the nights they had late classes