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up to four minutes. We may have to deal with a moron defendant. ‘Incapable of understanding the nature of the charges against him or assisting counsel in his defense.’ Remember Criminal Law 101? Now, I gotta do a mountain of paperwork, and the city has to pay to heal this asshole to bring him to trial. By the way, I missed the advanced weapons course where they teach you to use a twelve-gauge like a baseball bat.”
    “I improvised.”
    “Well, don’t do any more improvisations. You should have shot and killed the bastard. Less paperwork, and less expense forthe city. I want a detailed SF 252 on my desk before you go home. You’re off the next two days, right?”
    “Yes, sir.”
    “Unwind.”
    I planned to unwind, but silently wondered if cocaine was partially responsible for the upsurge in violence this year.
    Down Time
    Karen had invited Mike and a lady friend over for dinner and drinks. Karen was a beauty with light skin and sandy red hair. The latter item had been the source of recent discussion among us. Her girlfriends said that with her fair skin, she should “go blonde.” My father once gave me some advice about women’s hairstyle and color: “Stay out! First, they won’t pay much attention to you. Second, if they don’t like it later, it’s your fault.”
    “Mike, do you think I should color my hair blonde?”
    Poor Mike had not even finished one drink. He looked at me, but Karen was sharp, watching both of us. I just stared ahead as if I hadn’t heard the question. Lily, Mike’s friend, came to the rescue.
    “Karen, you are so lovely that it would be perfect either way.”
    “Lily, you’re such a diplomat, but thank you.”
    “Karen, how did you and Jake meet?”
    Mike began to analyze the design of his fork, and I looked straight ahead. Karen enjoyed fielding this one.
    “Actually,” she began. “I had never seen Jake before, and he chased me out of a U.S. Post Office while proposing to me.”
    “It’s a little more complicated than that,” I said lamely.
    “No, it’s not,” replied Karen. “Later you confessed if you couldn’t get to me before I got to my car, you were going to jot down the tag number and find out who I was – all illegal for non-law enforcement purposes. Right?”
    “Your Honor, I invoke my Fifth Amendment rights indeclining to answer.”
    Lily sat with a smirk on her face, but said nothing.
    “Now that we’ve had fun skewering me,” I said, “Karen omitted a few things. First, she looked back at me, with interest, twice before leaving.”
    “If you were in fear for your life, wouldn’t you want to give the police a good description?”
    “After she left, Karen walked with a slow, deliberate pace toward her car, like she wanted to be caught.”
    “Excuse me. It was a gravel surface, and I was in high heels. I calculated the fastest possible speed to my car without a substantial risk of falling down.”
    “Time!” said Lily. “I’m so glad I asked this question. At whatever speed she was traveling, you obviously caught up with her. Then what?”
    “I told her I had never seen such a beautiful woman with such a sexy voice. How can you sound that sexy telling a clerk to send a package?”
    “Your turn, Karen.”
    “Well, he was handsome in sort of a rugged way, wearing jeans and cowboy boots, which nobody wears around here. He didn’t sound like a serial killer. I told him I’d meet him for lunch in a restaurant with outside seating and lots of taxis nearby. We kept seeing each other and married a year later.”
    “Wow!” said Lily. “If there were a contest for unusual romantic encounters, you would win by acclamation.
    “And now you do mostly philanthropic work?”
    “I’m raising money to rehabilitate inner-city gyms, basketball courts, and other athletic facilities,” replied Karen. “Also, I have agreements from some current and former professional athletes to work with the kids, or at least make occasional appearances at their gyms