looked more beautiful. It was over, she said; sheâd been clean the whole time, she said, and, still believing her, I passed it on. They reconciled. I was wracked with strong ambivalence seeing, even momentarily, my brother so vulnerable. A week later, a friend of mine spotted Baby in Sunshine with her other ex â the one whoâd picked the first fight with my brother. I confronted her. At first she denied it, then she stopped short. It was impossible to go anywhere in a Vietnamese enclave without being noted â she understood that.
âOkay,â she sighed. âI went there.â
I didnât say anything.
âI heard â¦â She paused, reconsidered. âHim and his mates are planning an attack. A big one.â
âOn who?â
âJohnny. My ex. And all the rest of his friends. Your friends too â the brothers.â
We were in her car, on our way to pick Thuan up from somewhere, and she spoke straight ahead, into the busy windscreen.
âYou know this? You gotta tell them.â
âI donât know.â She frowned, chewed at her lower lip. âI know him. He just wants to be the big man. Thatâs all it was, I just went there to ask him to stop all this.â
âWhatâd he say?â
She glanced over at me, and there was a small, strange crease around her eyes I hadnât seen before.
âHe said heâd think about it.â
âOkay.â
She drove on a while, then, as though resolving some internal question, she swung her head from side to side. âBig T, he wanted me to beg.â
All my life Iâve been told Iâm not very good at reading people. There is, I think, some truth to this. Baby, in particular, was so changeable that any attempt would usually be offside and out of step. But in that moment, I was inspired by an intense insight to say nothing, to sit still and let her ravelled thinking tease itself out. In my concentration my face must have lapsed into a frown.
She looked over, cringed slightly. âI guess you already know,â she murmured. âI donât know what to do.â
âDo you wanna pull over? Talk about this?â
âI would love that.â
She pulled into a petrol station and parked by the air pump. Again, I waited for her to speak.
âYouâre sweet,â she said nervously. She tilted the rear-view mirror down and checked her face. Then she told me how, when sheâd gone back to plead with her ex, one thing had led to another. Not like that. But she still wasnât sure how it had happened.
âWhat happened?â
She paused. âI donât want your brother to think Iâm a slut.â Her voice was small but quickly hardening. âThatâs what he called me last time.â
We sat in silence as the car ticked. Slut. The word led me to the image of her bent over a wobbling suitcase, pants scrunched down to her knees. Sand and salt on her wet skin. The lie of the bikini on her body.
âYeah but you did fuck him, didnât you?â I could feel my heart throttling my ribs as I thought this, and then, unbelievably â as I said it. Now the new word â the new image it called up â landed heavy and wet between us.
Baby jutted out her jaw. She jerked her head in my direction but didnât look at me. âYou canât ⦠Look, itâs not like Iâm going out with you .â
âRight.â
âYou canât talk to me like that.â
âRight. Itâs not like heâs my brother. Like the last time you fucked around, who was it that patched everything up for you?â
She inhaled sharply. She said, âI screwed up.â Then she turned to me, her face gone cunning. âBut whatâs the deal with you two anyway? What sort of fucked-up thing is that?â Her skin was clenched tight around the eyes, her jaw muscles working her thoughts. âI donât even know why he lets you follow