Read Where There's a Will (Whiskey River Book 1) for Free Online Page A

in anything about Ryder and maybe that was part of why she was scared to give into her feelings and commit to anything with him.
    There would never be a chance to pretend with him. He’d demand she was honest with her feelings for him. She’d have no place to hide her vulnerabilities. She wasn’t sure she could handle that.
    She jerked her head away from his hand, unable to keep meeting his gaze. God, she didn’t want the connection she felt with Ryder to be real. She didn’t want to acknowledge that there was any part of her that was similar to her mother.
    “Honey, you know you can trust me.”
    Honey .
    Not Addison.
    Honey .
    Her heart melted behind the steel cage that she’d put it in a long time ago. She’d thought she was safe, but she hadn’t known about Ryder. Not then. Not when she was making promises to herself that she’d never let any man have sway over her decisions.
    She nodded, but didn’t look up. It was getting harder to keep her guard up. And looking at Ryder weakened her defenses. And he’d called her honey. No man had done that before. She wasn’t the kind of woman who usually earned endearments…probably as Ryder would point out because she called soul sex a distraction. But that was the only way she knew to survive.
    “I can’t rely on you, Ryder. I won’t let myself.”
    “Why the hell not? You know I’m trustworthy,” he said.
    She looked up at him and realized there were tears in her own eyes when she saw his face through a watery veil. “I’m afraid. I don’t want to be like my mom.”
    “How was your mom? What is it you are trying to avoid?” he asked.
    “She fell in love easily. When the guy left, and they always did, she’d fall into a really deep depression and then into the bottle. Nothing mattered when she was drinking. Not her children, not her job, not even putting food on the table.”
    Ryder studied her carefully, something she’d observed him doing with a witness in court. She knew he was sizing her up and deciding on the best course of action. She fought the urge to fidget.
    “You’re much stronger than that. Help me understand your fear,” he said.
    She couldn’t put it into words. He was making her feel high just being around him.
    “Give me a chance, Addison.” He kissed her ear, her neck, stroked his hand up her back. “Give us a chance.” He pressed another kiss to the pulse beating at her throat.
    “Oh, Ryder. I wish I could.”
    “You don’t want to pretend there’s nothing between us any more than I do. What’s wrong, honey? Talk to me. Don’t shut me out.”
    Her treacherous heart stuttered at his words. So sweet, so sincere. So . . . frightening.
    If Pastor Tom had taught her anything it was that the devil didn’t tempt with things a person didn’t want. And she wanted Ryder. Not physically. Sex was mind-blowing, yes, but she wanted him because of who he was. And finally the thing that scared her the most was clear.
    She wasn’t afraid of depending on him too much, she was afraid she’d change into the woman she truly wanted to be. She could survive without Ryder, but she feared that without him by her side it would be only survival, not happiness.
    She had worked hard to stand on her own. She volunteered in The Barrels to feel like she was involved with people. She went to school, studied hard, did her best to feel like she had a well-rounded life, but one afternoon in a storm closet with Ryder had made her doubt all that.
    Had shone the light on the fact that she wasn’t well-rounded. She’d been hiding.
    Hiding in the volunteering, studying, stuff she’d used to fill the long empty hours of each day.
    Suddenly she wanted more. She needed more.
    She needed Ryder. But wouldn’t let herself have him.
    Was this just another stumble? Another obstacle between herself and the one goal she’d always dreamed of achieving?
    “I don’t know how to let anyone in, it’s never been my strong point,” she admitted.
    “Fair enough. We