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    nipples came from, guys? You’re an afterthought. Maybe that’s what’s bothering you. Is that what’s on your mind, Bunkie? That would explain the hostility: Women got the good job, men got the shitty one. Females create life, males end it. War, crime and violence are primarily male franchises. Man-shit.
    It’s nature’s supreme joke. Deep in the womb, men start out as the good thing and wind up as the crappy thing. Not all men, just enough. Just enough to fuck things up. And the dumbest part of it all is that not only do men accept all this shit. . . they do it to themselves.
    By the way, I’m not letting women completely off the hook. After all, the one part of the lower anatomy that is the same in both sexes is the asshole. But women who are assholes aren’t called that. They’re named for a different part of their lower anatomy. They’re called cunts. Isn’t it nice that cunts and assholes are next-door neighbors?
    NINETY-NINE THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW
    There are ninety-nine things you need to know:
    Number one: There are more than ninety-nine things you need to know. Number two: Nobody knows how many things there are to know. Number three: It’s more than three.
    Number four: There is no way of knowing how many things you need to
    Number five: Some of the things you need to know are things you already know.
    Number six: Some of the things you need to know are things you only think you know.
    Number seven: Some of the things you need to know are things you used to know and then forgot.
    Number eight: Some of the things you need to know are things you only thought you forgot and actually still know.
    Number nine: Some of the things you need to know are things you know but don’t really know you know.
    Number ten: Some of the things you need to know are things you don’t yet know you need to know.
    Number eleven: Some of the things you think you need to know are things you probably don’t really need to know.
    Number twelve: Some of the things you need to know are things known only by people you don’t know.
    Number thirteen: Some of the things you need to know are things nobody
    Number fourteen: Some of the things you need to know are things that are unknowable.
    Number fifteen: Some of the things you need to know are things that can only be imagined.
    Number sixteen: At any time the list of things you need to know can be abruptly suspended.
    Now you know.
    EUPHEMISMS: Shell Shock to PTSD
    Earlier in the book, in the first section on this subject of euphemistic language, I mentioned several reasons we seem to employ so much of it: the need to avoid unpleasant realities; the need to make things sound more important than they really are; marketing demands; pretentiousness; boosting employee self-esteem; and, in some cases, just plain, old political correctness.
    But no matter their purpose, the one thing euphemisms all have in common is that they soften the language. They portray reality as less vivid. And I’ve noticed Americans have a problem with reality; they prefer to avoid the truth and not look it in the eye. I think it’s one of the consequences of being fat and prosperous and too comfortable. So, naturally, as time has passed, and we’ve grown fatter and more prosperous, the problem has gotten worse. Here’s a good example:
    There’s a condition in combatmost people know it by now. It occurs when a soldier’s nervous system has reached the breaking point. In World
    War I, it was called shell shock. Simple, honest, direct language. Two syllables. Shell shock. Almost sounds like the guns themselves. Shell shock!!
    That was 1917. A generation passed. Then, during the Second World War, the very same combat condition was called battle fatigue. Four syllables now. It takes a little longer to say, stretches it out. The words don’t seem to hurt as much. And fatigue is a softer word than shock. Shell shock. Battle fatigue. The condition was being euphemized.
    More time passed and we got to Korea,