Read Vivienne's Guilt for Free Online Page B

want this moment to end.
    Through a haze, I register what sounds like hooting and hollering, and it takes a moment for me to realize that we are the cause. I break the kiss and whisper, “Abbott...Abbott, stop.”
    But he doesn’t stop. He moves back to my neck, and I’ll be damned if a part of me doesn’t want him to just fuck me right here for all to see.
    The cat calls get louder, and finally Abbott takes notice of the situation. He shakes his head in frustration and pulls at his lips with his fingers. “Fuck,” he growls out.
    My face is flushed...from the kissing or the embarrassment of being watched, who knows? I’m suddenly dizzy and nauseated, and I just want the ground to swallow me whole. “Abbott?”
    “Yeah, babe?” he answers, still breathing heavily.
    “I think I’m going to be sick.” And then I gag. Because isn’t that what all girls do after the best fucking kiss of their life?
    “Oh, shit...” Abbott yells over to his friends. “Show’s over, guys. Get the fuck out!”
    The guys make their way back into the house, for which I am extremely grateful, when only seconds later I puke right there on the front lawn of the frat house.
    I laugh aloud at the memory, and it’s so good to feel something other than pure devastation when I think of my husband.
    It’s now just after 4:30 A.M., but I’m too afraid to even attempt sleep. I haven’t felt this good since the accident, and I don’t want to risk losing it. I stretch out my arms and legs then peel myself from my comfortable bed. I throw on workout clothes and running shoes and put in an hour on the treadmill.

    After a nice hot shower, I sneak past Cassie sleeping on the couch, careful not to wake her, and into the kitchen to make my girls some breakfast.
    Just as I finish scrambling a batch of eggs and frying a few strips of bacon, Matilda barges into the kitchen. “I smell bacon! Are you making me some bacon, Mom?” she asks and then lets out a big yawn.
    “Yes, ma’am! Hungry?”
    “Duh! I’m starvin’ Marvin,” she says with a giggle.
    “Are you, Silly Tillie?” As I speak Abbott’s usual line, a lump forms in my throat. I can’t help but feel guilty when I say or do things that were “his.” I know it’s ridiculous. I know that it is not my fault that he isn’t here to do it himself. But the guilt ensues nonetheless.
    “Yep!” she says. “I am.”
    “I had a feeling you would be,” I say with a wink. “Eat up, Bossyrella! We have a busy day today. Your cousin, Reid, is coming tomorrow. Wanna help Mommy clean up the pool house for him?”
    Just then, Cassie comes trudging into the kitchen. “Damn, Momma, it’s not even six yet. Why the hell are you up so early?” she asks, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. “Not that I’m complaining. Breakfast smells delicious!”
    “I woke up a few hours ago and couldn’t fall back asleep. My mind was on overdrive, so I got up and worked out for a bit and then decided to make breakfast,” I answer as I pour each of us a glass of apple juice.
    “That’s great, Viv. You look really good. Are you doing okay?” she asks while chewing on a mouthful of bacon. “What am I saying? Of course you’re not okay...but you know what I mean. Better today than yesterday?” she adds, looking hopeful.
    “I feel really great, actually. I was remembering that Halloween party...at the frat house.” I laugh. “Do you remember?”
    “Oh my God, Viv. How could I forget? You puked on the freaking front lawn for Christ’s sake.” She laughs, shaking her head. “It was the first time you ever embarrassed me.”
    “And the last,” I add with a smirk and a raise of my brow.
    She laughs. “Definitely not the last.”
    “Mommy, why did you pupe in someone’s grass? That’s not nice, right, Auntie?” Tillie says with a disgusted look on her face. That girl is always listening. I really need to be more aware of what we talk about around her.
    “Mommy was sick, baby girl. Mind your