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that was not the explanation we gave girls at the Officer’s Club.) Think of it as a kind of yearlong, performance-based purgatory between being nothing and maybe becoming what you dream.
    Then came that first sweet moment when, alone in my BOQ (Bachelor Officer’s Quarters) room, I shrugged into the new, stiff flight suit. It even smelled sweet (that would be the NOMEX material), and with my patches and lieutenant’s bars, I was smokin’.
    So I thought.
    So did we all.
    One problem with that: no wings. This painful fact was pointed out to us at least once per minute by the instructors and any girl who wandered into the O’Club. It was like wearing a nice custom suit with no shoes. Obvious, embarrassing, and the first in a long series of humbling sprays from the Reality Hose. So, like everyone who eventually graduated, I made up my mind to have those prized silver wings, no matter what.
    The first half of UPT was conducted in little horrible T-37 jet trainers. It was loud, obnoxious, underpowered, and sat low enough to the ground for the crew chief to look down at the pilot. The Air Force has since switched to T-6 Texans, and they have to be an improvement over the “Tweet,” the T-37. Anyway, the initial phase of pilot training was called “Contact,” and it was the first real chance the instructors had to wash out students. Everything dealing with basic flying was covered here—ground operations, take-offs and landings, spins, aerobatics, and, as always, emergency procedures.
    The instructors came from several sources. The best were those who’d had operational assignments and were back in the training command against their will. These were former TTB (tanker, transport, bomber) pilots and, thankfully, a few fighter pilots. Without exception, the fighter guys hated flying trainer aircraft. And why wouldn’t they? Flying in a front-line fighter squadron was as good as it gets in the Air Force, and now to come back to the shiny-boot, scarf-wearing world of the Training Command was a plunge into the abyss. Fortunately for these guys, they only had to do one three-year tour and then it was back to the real world. Thank God all the operational guys were there, though, to muzzle the Others.
    The Others were First Assignment Instructor Pilots, shortened to FAIPs, and they were universally a pain in the ass. These were pilots who didn’t get assignments out of the Air Education and Training Command after they graduated from UPT, and they had to stay on as instructors. Sure, they had to go off to San Antonio, Texas, for a few months, where they supposedly learned how to teach students to fly, but the bottom line was this: the only military-aviation experience they had under their belt was UPT and the Texas course. So, you’ve got a guy with less than two years of flying training trying to teach and, most important, evaluate a student’s ability to be an Air Force pilot. In my opinion, some were actually quite good but most were bitter wannabes. This is precisely why the operational pilots were brought back—to keep their thumbs on the FAIPs and give a reality check to the program. Otherwise we’d have an Air Force of close-order drills, sock checks, and spell-checkers.
    My primary instructor pilot was a gruff, irreverent former B-52 pilot with the unlikely call sign of “Daddy Rabbit.” There were six of us assigned to him, and we were lucky. Jets are like pets in that the people who fly in them, like pet owners, end up resembling them eventually. The B-52 was known as a Buff (Big Ugly Fat Fucker), and though Daddy Rabbit wasn’t fat, he was big and ugly— and a superb pilot. His gift was instilling the “Big Picture” in his students, i.e., teaching us to not get mired down in minutiae but be aware of all that was going on around us. DR was also calm, unlike FAIPs.
    “Punk,” he once said smoothly as I waffled through a spin recovery while Oklahoma filled the windscreen, “ya wanna try and do it right this