struck with sudden bolts of faggot lightning, but it was just this feeling I had, that Van Wort was getting a bad break.
He wasnât so off. He wasnât even weird. It wasnât like he wrote bird poems or wore the wrong kind of underwear.
âWhy are you doing this?â said Van Wort.
âJust because.â
âI donât care what you do to me,â said Van Wort. âIf itâs a trick, itâs a trick.â
We were quiet and stacked for a while.
âSo,â I said, âwho killed your dad?â
âNobody killed him,â said Van Wort. âHe dropped dead. I saw it.â
âNo shit,â I said. âYou saw it?â
âHe went blue and had a bubble on his mouth.â
âWhatâd you do?â
âI didnât do anything.â
âDidnât you give him mouth to mouth?â
âHe had a bubble there.â
Â
Some of us were smoking behind the Port-O-Sans after lights out when Steve-Ivan wandered by. We had figured him for off to the bars on the highway by now.
âHey, itâs lights out,â said Steve-Ivan.
âWe know,â I said.
âThat means lights out out.â
âI said we know,â I said.
âDonât wise off to me,â said Steve-Ivan. âYou think youâre special just because youâve been going for those hog rides?â
This was wit near Canada. The boys did a round of barnyard jokes about me and Van Wort.
âSo, whatâs it like, sucking on the bacon?â said Steve-Ivan.
They called me Bacon from then on.
I didnât mind the cracks, but I missed the camaraderie.
I calcified, got crusty. I lost my boxball crown.
Â
Each night they came to his bed where he lay wheezing. It wasnât even foot powder and Indian burns anymore. They wanted to hurt him, to make him bleed. They taped him down to the bed frame, went at it with tweezers and pocket knives. They got his sock bunched up for a ball gag. They pinched off pieces of him with nail clippers and tiny sewing shears from kits their mothers had packed because it was on the list.
Iâd get up and walk to the other end of the bunk until they were done.
In the morning Iâd help him clean up, wipe down the blood until it was just dark nicks.
We talked about everything except what they did to him.
We talked about the dayâs activities, the boats, the beads, the weaving. We talked about our dreams the night before.
He told me he had gun dreams where the gun wouldnât shoot, falling dreams where he fell into a stilled river that had his fatherâs face in its bed. He had one where all the girls at the girlsâ camp were rolled out on a float for his fancy. I told him he should keep a dream diary and he told me he did, showed me a spiral-bound notebook with his entries. It read:
G UN
G IRLS
R IVER
R IVER
R IVER
He told me he had given the eulogy at his fatherâs funeral, that it was easy, heâd just used an essay heâd written for school and substituted âmy fatherâ for âour founding fathers.â
I started to admire Van Wort. But then Iâd hate him for being so weak. Heâd given up even the shrieking and they rarely bothered to gag him anymore.
âWhy donât you fight back?â I said.
âWhatâs the point?â
âThe point is you show them youâre not a pussy. Then they leave you alone.â I believe Iâd first heard this argument advanced by a talking beagle on one of those claymation shows the Lutherans used to produce.
âWill you help me?â he said.
âNo,â I said. âThat would be wrong.â
âWhy?â
âItâs complicated,â I said.
Â
Then it was the last day of camp. We packed all our stuff in duffels. Tomorrow we would strip our beds and get into our family wagons, wave.
At our last lunch Steve-Ivan said that Van Wort and I would be voted camp love-birds at the camp