say it. I run past Cass, down the stairs, to Dad.
Dadâs lying facedown on the floor. His music is turned down low. I sit on Dadâs back like heâs a flat horse.
Whatâs this music called? I ask him.
Vivaldi, Dad says. He pushes himself up on his hands and knees.
I hold on to his shoulders and he tries to buck me off. I let go and fall. Dad tickles me on the floor.
You ready? he asks.
I nod.
Run upstairs and get my sneakers, says Dad.
I go as fast as I can.
I open the closet that was Dad and Motherâs together. I know thereâs a secret door at the very back that goes into a low room called a crawl space, because Mother showed it to me. I reach my hand in, past all the clothes, and touch the doorknob. It feels cold.
Dadâs sneakers are lined up on his side. Motherâs shoes are all packed up in brown boxes. I put my hand on the box that I know has Motherâs red slippers with the sequins. The red slippers were Motherâs favorite shoes to wear even though they were just slippers and not really shoes. Mother said if she went to a ball she would wear her red slippers. I want to hide the box in my closet so it will be mine and no one else will touch it.
I go into the hall and look. Cass is not there. I walk with the box behind my back. I walk slow and quiet to my room, but then Cass is standing there, looking out my window.
Oh, I say.
Cass turns around.
What do you have? she asks me.
Nothing, I say.
I back out of my room with the box behind my back.
Sebby! Cass yells at me.
I hold the box tight against my chest and run back to Motherâs room.
Cass runs after me.
Those arenât yours, Cass says. Leave her stuff alone.
I put Motherâs shoes back in the closet. Then I grab Dadâs sneakers. I push past Cass and run downstairs.
Did you hear me? Cass shouts.
Five steps from the bottom, I jump. I land and then fall forward on my knees, but I donât drop Dadâs sneakers. I get up and run to him.
Here, I say. Iâm out of breath.
Thanks, Dad says.
Cass comes downstairs then.
You get mad at me for taking him out of school and then you do the same thing, says Cass. No wonder he thinks itâs optional. Her voice is loud.
Dadâs putting on his sneakers. Letâs talk about this later, he says.
Cass turns and goes to the kitchen. Right, she says, later.
Iâm watching Dadâs face.
Donât worry about it, he says to me.
We go out to the car. I reach up and hold Dadâs hand. Heâs still wearing his T-shirt and sweatpants.
Look, Dad says. He points at our tall tree in the front yard.
Itâs losing leaves and the ones that are still on it are reddish orange, colors like fire.
The bell on the door jingles when Dad and I go in. Denise is sweeping brown hair into a pile on the floor. She stops to look at us.
I havenât seen you in forever, she says.
Deniseâs shop is called Guys and Dolls. A long time ago, she used to put makeup on actors in Chicago and fix their hair. She likes to make a small pinch in the air with her fingers and say, Look, honey, do you see this?âthis is how close I was to marrying Sky Masterson.
Good to see you, says Dad. Denise looks back down at the floor and sweeps again.
I can see her face turning sad and I know that sheâs remembering about Mother.
Stephen, she says to Dad in a softer voice, how are you?
I need a haircut, I say.
Denise comes over and puts her hand on my head. She combs my hair with her fingers. It feels nice how she does that.
Such beautiful hair, she says, it gets wasted on a boy. She puts her hands on my shoulders and pushes me over to one of the special chairs.
Iâll take care of him, she says to Dad.
Okay, Dad says, Iâll just sit and read. He points to the pile of magazines.
Dad is shy because of what Denise did at one of Motherâs Christmas parties. Dad doesnât like parties, so he drinks wineand then falls asleep sitting in a chair.