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that may be watching me below the surface.
    Thinking of Steph again, I throw a stone sideways and watch it skip across the water. The skips match the rhythm of the words that repeat in my head. I can’t believe she did that. She just dropped me for some guy. Some best friend she is. So much for loyalty and all that crap. One stupid phone call and some guy she barely knows is more important to her than me. Why did I let her off the hook so easy? Why didn’t I tell her how hurt I feel? Before I know it I’m crying.
    Because I don’t deserve any better.
    The river is quiet. The ripples from the stone spread across the water and disappear, as if they never existed. The stone is gone, swallowed up, never to be seen again. My arm is suspended in the air, another stone held tightly between my fingers.
    What if I just disappeared like that? Would anybody care?
    The river water becomes darker, and my head spins. The pictures come fast and furious. Greg is standing over me, pulling his zipper up. I’m seven years old again, staring at him with a mixture of fear and blind adoration.
    â€œYou’re a very special girl. Nobody else loves you the way I do. You understand that, don’t you?”
    I nod, believing every word. He loves me. He wouldn’t lie.
    â€œThat’s my Kitty Kat.” Greg rubs my cheek with his hand. “You can’t trust anyone like you can me – especially your daddy. He’ll be angry and think you’re bad if he finds out about our special love. He wouldn’t want you anymore.”
    My naïve heart breaks at Greg’s words. My world is shattered by the perceived betrayal of my father.
    The picture of Greg fades when the stone falls out of my hand with a sudden plop. I try to climb back into the present. I shiver at how real the scene felt and turn, half expecting to see Greg standing there beside me.
    â€œGet a grip,” I whisper, in an effort to shake off the eerie feeling. It’s like being haunted by myself as a child. The memories flood back and trap me when I least expect them.
    Even after Greg told me so many times when I was growing up that no one would like me if I told, I never really believed I could lose Jared or Steph. I’ve always been able to depend on them, but lately they haven’t been there for me.
    You’re weak and worthless.
    Staring at the water where the last stone sank to the bottom, I wonder why I’m here. Why was I put on this earth? The only one who seems to care about me is Greg. Could it be that I was put here for Greg? No! What he’s doing to me can’t be right.
    I launch another stone with all the force I can muster. The plop it makes, breaking through the water and sinking to the bottom, is gratifying. I had complete control over the stone before throwing it and it felt good. If only I had some control over my own life.
    A twig snapping behind me breaks into my thoughts. Spinning around, I look into Steph’s face.
    â€œHey,” she says, a bit sheepishly, lowering her eyes to look at the ground.
    â€œDon’t you have a hot and heavy date?” I reply, failing to hide the sarcasm in my voice. She’s wearing a short, tight skirt and shirt. Every hair on her head is neatly arranged and cemented with hair spray so it won’t move.
    Steph shrugs and looks up at me. “Yeah, I do.”
    My hands fidget, but I don’t try to stop them. Let her see that I’m upset .
    â€œI was hoping you’d change your mind. I’d really like you to come to the party. It wouldn’t be any fun without you.”
    I start to thaw. Does she still need me? Then I recall our phone conversation and how quickly she ditched me for Mike, and the warm feeling fades.
    â€œI don’t think so, Steph. It’s not my thing.” I turn back to the river, pick up another stone and throw it, watching it skip across the surface before joining its friends on the bottom.
    â€œPlease,