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happens two or three days down the road if I don’t keep up with my doses? I could start hallucinating again, and with this as my new reality, it’s a sure thing that I will dream up some wild, violent stuff. I absolutely, positively cannot be near this guy if that happens. What if I imagine that he’s turned into a zombie and is coming at me, trying to kill me, when in reality he’s fine and wants to hand me a granola bar? I’ll kill him to defend myself. From granola. He doesn’t know about me and I won’t risk his life by sticking with him for any longer than necessary. Plus, I’m just not great with people. I do believe I need his help in getting out of the city though, and he needs mine, so I’ll stay with him for as long as I can. I just hope I can keep it together that long.
    “Jordan.” I whisper into the dark.
    “Yeah?” he responds immediately, and I know he’s wide awake.
    “When we get out of the city, once we’re a safe distance from it, I think we should split up. Go our own ways.”
    Jordan stays quiet for a long time and I start to wonder if he’s ignoring me or pissed off. When he speaks, his voice is tight.
    “Whatever you want.”
    “Are you pissed about this?”
    “I don’t really care. Hopefully it won’t take long to get somewhere safe.”
    “You’re mad so you do care. What’s your deal?”
    “Why do you want to split up? Are you worried I’ll take advantage of you? Cause that’s the last thing on my mind, believe me.”
    “What? No, that never even crossed my mind.”
    “It probably should. You should at least consider it, for your own safety.”
    I turn and look down at him on the floor. He looks over and meets my eyes in the semi-darkness. “Jordan, do you plan on taking advantage of me at any point?”
    “No.”
    “Okay then.”
    He frowns at me in confusion. “So then why do you want to split up so quickly?”
    I roll over onto my back again and stare at the ceiling. I don’t know what to tell him. I don’t have a good excuse other than the real one and I’m not about to tell him that. He’d probably want to leave me behind right now, and as selfish as it is, I need him to help me. He seems like a good guy and I don’t want to kill him, but I can’t tell him that either. I decide to go for as much honesty as I can muster instead.
    “I don’t know how to handle what’s coming and I don’t want to get you killed.”
    He thinks on that for a moment and then replies, “Look, I can’t make it alone. Me and a bat, that’s not going to be enough to survive. I need someone I can trust, someone to help watch my back while I watch theirs. Someone to sleep in shifts with. And you do too. Alissa, if we split up, we’ll probably die. If we stick together we have a chance.”
    I know he’s right. I know that if I go off on my own and let the meds leak out of me without a single touchstone in reality, I will go off the deep end and end up either completely crazy or dead. Neither is appealing to me. And the truth is, I don’t want to leave him. I don’t want to do this alone.
    “Let’s just take it a day at a time, okay?” I ask, my voice becoming tired. “Just know that if I feel like I’m going to get you killed, I’m leaving.”
    “That’s fair. Do me a favor though?”
    “What?”
    “Tell me you’re going. Do not run away without telling me, not under any circumstances. If I wake up some morning and you’re gone, I will search for you and probably get myself killed doing it. Promise me you’ll say goodbye.”
    I’m surprised by the sentiment, by the idea that he’d search for me considering he barely knows me, but it’s kind and I feel like this is a promise I can most likely keep. I lean over the side of the bed, hold out my pinky like a little kid and wait for him to link his with it. I hold his firmly with mine, meet his eyes and smile.
    “I promise.” I tell him, then I frown. “Wait, what about you? I can’t believe I haven’t asked,