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sleeping off yesterday’s vodka
and resting up for today’s onslaught. She didn’t stir. Even though
I knew she wouldn’t acknowledge me, a slight twinge still tugged at
my heart. I ignored it and left.
    The frigid morning welcomed me with a
bone chilling blast of icy cold as I stepped off the porch and
right into a slush puddle. “Yuck!” I shook the mess out of my shoe
and trudged off.
    While tracking down information on local children’s charities,
m y eye caught the calendar hanging on the
wall above the reference desk . January 9 th. It was thirteen years ago today my world changed
forever.
    I remembered my grandmother and I
being in the kitchen. She was tying a yellow ribbon in my hair to
match the dress she’d made me: blue with white and yellow daisies.
I was sitting on a stool, fidgeting. The room smelled of
fresh-baked cookies and I desperately wanted one.
    “ Hold still, sweetheart,”
she said, fishing the silky ribbon through my ponytail and tying it
into a bow. “There, perfect.” I jumped off the stool and began
spinning in circles. The dress had a full skirt, and when I swirled
around it floated out in a huge circle.
    “ I love it, grandma, thank
you very much. It’s delightful.” I ran over and gave her a big
hug.
    “ Delightful? What a big word
for such a little girl.” I looked up into her blue eyes, and
watched her smile fade. She cupped my chin and kissed my forehead.
“I guess it’s a good thing you’re mature far beyond your four and a
half years.”
    She took a tissue from her pocket and
wiped her eyes. “Alright, Princess Maggie. Scoot along and find
your grandfather. Let him know your mom will be here any minute.” I
spun around one last time and skipped off to find him. “And no
cookies, you’ll spoil your appetite,” she added.
    I found my grandpa in the bathroom as
he finished shaving. “Oh, my, aren’t you the sweetest little
princess in all the land.”
    “ Thanks, Grandpa. Mom’s on
her way. Why is she coming over?” I sank down onto the edge of the
tub and studied him as he put on his tie.
    “ It was her 21st birthday a
few days ago, remember? We’re going out to dinner to celebrate
tonight.” He looked over at me. “What’s the matter,
Magpie?”
    “ Do I have to go and stay
with mommy again?” I seldom saw her when I was very young, and the
few times she did come to visit, the three of them would usually
end up arguing. My grandfather would demand she act more
responsibly, and I’d have to go stay with her for a day or two. My
grandmother would prepare a backpack for me to take, putting
cereal, peanut butter, jam and some bread in it. She’d taught me
how to make sandwiches and had me practice pouring cereal into a
bowl and adding milk. Of course, at my mom’s place I usually had to
add water since she never had milk.
    My mom would hate it when I played
with my toys in her living room and often banished me to the
bedroom. “Get out of my hair,” she’d demand. I spent most of the
time alone playing with my dolls.
    After a couple of days my grandparents
would check on us, they’d have another huge fight, and I’d go back
with them until my mother came around again, and the cycle would
repeat itself.
    “ Not today, princess.”
Sorrow touched his face as he spoke of my mother, and I felt bad
for having said anything. “Hey, how about a butter-rum Lifesaver?”
He held out a tattered roll of the candy, inviting me to take
one.
    “ Grandma will be angry if I
have one before dinner.” He was forever tempting me with butter-rum
Lifesavers, and I was forever falling for the
temptation.
    “ I won’t tell if you won’t,”
he whispered.
    “ I heard that, Harry,” my
grandmother chided from the other room. “You’ll spoil her
dinner.”
    “ Yes, dear,” he said,
handing me one with a wink. I popped the candy into my mouth and
sucked on it until it dissolved into nothing.
    My mother arrived a few minutes later
reeking of alcohol. At the time I