Sheâs going to make us dinner tomorrow night. I want you to be here, Marcus.â
I donât respond. Heâs been trying to get me to meet his current girlfriend for weeks, but I keep avoiding it. And now, more than ever, I donât want anything to do with her. I donât want any part in his trivial love life when mine is falling apart. I find an apple and a hunk of cheese in the fridge. I grab a box of crackers and a granola bar from the cabinet.
âI really want you to get to know her,â he continues as I pretend to still be looking in the cabinet. I donât want to look at himright now. âYou canât keep brushing her off. She means a lot to me. You mean a lot to me. I want you two to be friends.â
I turn around in a rage. How can he be talking about this right now? Pretending his new bimbo of the month matters when the girl Iâm in love with just got out of a fucking coma and isnât allowed to see me?
âYeah, Dad,â I say. âSure, we can be friends. That totally makes sense since weâre probably pretty close in age.â
I expect a reaction. I want a reaction. I expect him to hit me, to yell, to at least storm away. But he just sighs. He just stands there. I want to hit him. I want to knock that smug look off his face. But he is, and always will be, so much bigger than me.
âI guess I deserve that,â he says, then emits a strange sound. If he were anyone else, Iâd say it was a chuckle. âBut for your information, Monica is forty-four and CEO of a successful tech start-up thatâs about to go public.â He seems to register the look on my face that says this news means nothing to me. âIâm serious about this one,â he says.
âCongratulations, Dad,â I say, and I walk away.
there.
THE DINING ROOM IS A MUSEUM, A PLACE FULL OF THINGS no one touches. But tonight is special, Mom says. Itâs Dadâs birthday. The kitchen is a war zone, bombs of flour exploded on counters, floor, walls. Measuring spoons and cups thrown around. Boxes and cans and jars in disarray.
We are sitting at the dining room table. Mom dressed us up. David kicks me under the table for pulling at the neck of my sweater vest. âItâs scratchy,â I whine.
âShhh,â he says, but I donât know why we have to be quiet. Itâs just us three. Momâs sitting way over on the other end of the table, her face pale under her makeup.
âMommy, you look pretty,â David says.
She smiles, but it is her own special sad kind of smile. âThank you, honey.â
âWhen is Dad coming home?â I say. David kicks me again, but I donât know why. He knows so many things I donât, like whento talk and when not to talk. Like when Mom is sad or Dad is angry, even when no one is talking.
Mom says nothing. Weâve been sitting here for a long time. My stomach tells me we should have eaten by now. The food is in the fancy bowls we only use on holidays, covered by matching lids. Thereâs no way it can still be warm.
Thereâs a cake in the kitchen, a surprise. Mom made it from scratch. David and I watched YouTube videos with her about how to make flowers out of frosting.
âYou boys must be starving.â She sighs. âWhy donât you make yourself a couple of plates and take them upstairs?â
âAre you sure?â David asks.
âWe can eat in our rooms?â I say. âLike, while we play video games?â
âJust for tonight,â she says with a weak smile. âItâs a special occasion.â
David sits next to me in the back of Dadâs car, arms crossed on his chest, his face pinched in an angry pout. I donât know what heâs so upset about. Most boys would jump at the chance to shoot a real gun.
We drive by the sign for the Chabot Gun Club. âHere we are,â Dad says from the front seat. I canât remember the last time we did