Read Undermind: Nine Stories for Free Online Page A

on. Would anyone actually answer
“yes” and thus sabotage their attempt to make a purchase? If so,
why bother going to into a gun store to begin with? It didn’t make
sense to him. Only the most extremely honest, and perhaps stupid
person who didn’t know the laws but had every intention of obeying
them would disqualify himself and leave empty-handed.
    “I guess drug-dealers, serial killers, and
assassins lie on these forms?” Dave asked the salesman.
    The man laughed at Dave’s question.
    “What?” Dave asked, smiling and wanting to know
what was so funny.
    “Criminals don’t buy their guns in stores,” he
said, nearly doubling over now in laughter.
    It immediately became clear to Dave how stupid
his question was now that he looked at it from a different
perspective. It made perfect sense that criminals would not subject
themselves to legal scrutiny while acquiring tools to be used for
committing crimes. Dave did not have much interest in politics and
didn’t consider himself to be either left or right on such issues.
He was peripherally aware that there were constant calls for
additional gun laws to reduce crime, but he’d never given much
thought to the issue. As he considered it now as one who was
attempting to purchase a firearm, it seemed ludicrous to think that
laws were going to affect criminals.
    “If criminals don’t buy their guns in stores and
go through background checks, then all of these laws don’t do
anything except prevent unqualified honest people from buying
guns,” Dave thought aloud.
    “Yep,” the salesman replied.
    “I must be missing something here.”
    “Whattaya mean?”
    “Well, there’s a big roaring debate in this
country between opposing sides. The NRA people against the
gun-control people. But you’re telling me the whole thing is
actually pointless.”
    “No, I wouldn’t say pointless. Let’s say a guy
gets dumped by his girl and his first reaction is to wanna kill
himself. He might feel a bit different about it after the mandatory
three day waiting period.”
    “I’m sorry—what’s your name, sir?”
    “Ben.”
    “I’m sorry, Ben, but as tragic as suicide is,
it’s not really a social problem, and if someone really wants to
kill themselves, they’re probably not going to change their minds
just because one method isn’t available to them immediately. What’s
to stop them from taking an overdose or hanging themselves during
the waiting period?”
    “Okay, but what if the girl dumped him for
another guy and now that he’s had some time to think about it, he
decides he wants to kill that guy instead of himself? Maybe after
the wait, which some states even call a ‘cooling off period’, he
might be thinking more clearly.”
    “But the people calling for additional gun
control laws aren’t talking about jilted lovers and depressed
people. They make it sound like the laws will reduce crime, prevent
school shootings. Stuff like that. I just don’t see that happening.
If criminals don’t buy their guns legally – and why would they,
being criminals and all – then a billion laws won’t change anything
for them.
    “Right you are,” Ben nodded.
    Dave signed the bottom of the form, dated it,
and slid it across the glass display case over to Ben. “So what
happens next? I wait three days to see if I have a criminal record,
then I can come back and get it?”
    “Essentially, yes. There’s the three day wait,
then there’s the background check which has to come back with some
kind of response within three days. So the two kinda run neck ‘n’
neck in this state.”
    “I guess I’ll see you in three days then. My
record is spotless. I’m a little unhappy that I have to go three
days without self-defense while a homicidal maniac is trying to
kill me and my family, just to theoretically prevent someone else
from committing a crime with a legally acquired gun. I still can’t
wrap my head around that.”
    “That’s ‘cause it ain’t about bein’