Read Uncle John’s Facts to Annoy Your Teacher Bathroom Reader for Kids Only! for Free Online Page B
Authors: Bathroom Readers’ Institute
there was only one bagpipe major in the United States. (His name is Nick Hudson.)
Misnamed times two: Pineapples don’t contain pine or apples.
NATIONAL BEEF AMBASSADOR PROGRAM
Who’s eligible? Applicants have to give a speech and ace several interview questions…about beef. The top five get scholarships.
PATRICK KERR SKATEBOARD SCHOLARSHIP
Who’s eligible? Must have a GPA of at least 2.5 and be an avid skateboarder. (Those unfamiliar with the terms “kickflip” and “boardslide” need not apply.)
TALL CLUBS INTERNATIONAL SCHOLARSHIP
Who’s eligible? Men who are taller than 6'2", and women taller than 5'10".
* * *
NOTHING GETS PAST HIM
In February 2009, Kansas high school senior Geoffrey Stanford found a major error on his state’s standardized English exam. The test writers had used the word “omission” in a question about carbon dioxide, when they really meant to say “emission.” Geoffrey showed the mistake to his teacher, who passed it on to the board of education; they fixed it. As for Geoffrey, he’s not surprised he noticed the error. He says, “When I edit my own papers, I’m a stickler for…the correct use of words. It annoys me when I see mistakes.”
We know you’ve been wondering about this: Snails do not have ears.
FREETHINKERS
Whose beat do you march to ?
“You have to expect things of yourself before you can do them.”
—Michael Jordan
“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”
—Dr. Seuss
“The only rule is don’t be boring, and dress cute wherever you go. Life is too short to blend in.”
—Paris Hilton
“Look, Your Worshipfulness, let’s get one thing straight. I take orders from just one person: me.”
—Han Solo, Star Wars
“I just write what I want to write. I write what amuses me. It’s totally for myself.”
—J. K. Rowling
“Doubt everything. Find your own light.”
—Buddha
“Procrastination isn’t the problem; it’s the solution. So procrastinate now, don’t put it off.
—Ellen DeGeneres
“You alone are enough.”
—Oprah Winfrey
“Some people march to a different drummer—and some people polka.”
—Uncle John
Striped toothpaste was invented in 1955.
ASK THE EXPERTS
Raise your hand…and ask these questions. We bet they’ll make your teacher’s head spin.
Q. Why do we drive on a parkway but park on a driveway ?
A: A “parkway” doesn’t refer to parked vehicles; originally, parkways were roads that went through or connected public parks. In the 1800s, driveways were private roads that horse-drawn carriages used to travel from the main street to a house or garage. But today, space is more limited, so driveways are shorter and are often used to park vehicles.
Q. Why do drive-up ATMs include Braille writing if blind people don’t drive ?
A: Visually impaired people do use walk-up ATMs, and the law requires that banks have machines they can use. It’s cheaper to install the same keypads used on walk-up ATMs in the drive-up ones than it is to make new, Braille-less keypads.
Q. Why do airplanes have flotation devices, but not parachutes, under their seats ?
A: Commercial planes fly too high and too fast for someone to survive a parachute jump. Some jets soar over 40,000 feet, where there’s not enough oxygen in the air to breathe. Even at a lower altitude, skydiving passengers probably couldn’t clear the plane’s wings. And if they did manage to do so, it’s doubtful they could steer their parachutes and land safely without training. So, because passengers are a lot more likely to survive a water landing than a parachute jump, planes contain flotation cushions.
Australian toilets don’t swirl counterclockwise when flushed They don’t swirl at all—they flush water straight down the sides.
Q. Why do stores that are open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, have locks on their doors ?
A: Mostly it’s in case of an
Misnamed times two: Pineapples don’t contain pine or apples.
NATIONAL BEEF AMBASSADOR PROGRAM
Who’s eligible? Applicants have to give a speech and ace several interview questions…about beef. The top five get scholarships.
PATRICK KERR SKATEBOARD SCHOLARSHIP
Who’s eligible? Must have a GPA of at least 2.5 and be an avid skateboarder. (Those unfamiliar with the terms “kickflip” and “boardslide” need not apply.)
TALL CLUBS INTERNATIONAL SCHOLARSHIP
Who’s eligible? Men who are taller than 6'2", and women taller than 5'10".
* * *
NOTHING GETS PAST HIM
In February 2009, Kansas high school senior Geoffrey Stanford found a major error on his state’s standardized English exam. The test writers had used the word “omission” in a question about carbon dioxide, when they really meant to say “emission.” Geoffrey showed the mistake to his teacher, who passed it on to the board of education; they fixed it. As for Geoffrey, he’s not surprised he noticed the error. He says, “When I edit my own papers, I’m a stickler for…the correct use of words. It annoys me when I see mistakes.”
We know you’ve been wondering about this: Snails do not have ears.
FREETHINKERS
Whose beat do you march to ?
“You have to expect things of yourself before you can do them.”
—Michael Jordan
“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”
—Dr. Seuss
“The only rule is don’t be boring, and dress cute wherever you go. Life is too short to blend in.”
—Paris Hilton
“Look, Your Worshipfulness, let’s get one thing straight. I take orders from just one person: me.”
—Han Solo, Star Wars
“I just write what I want to write. I write what amuses me. It’s totally for myself.”
—J. K. Rowling
“Doubt everything. Find your own light.”
—Buddha
“Procrastination isn’t the problem; it’s the solution. So procrastinate now, don’t put it off.
—Ellen DeGeneres
“You alone are enough.”
—Oprah Winfrey
“Some people march to a different drummer—and some people polka.”
—Uncle John
Striped toothpaste was invented in 1955.
ASK THE EXPERTS
Raise your hand…and ask these questions. We bet they’ll make your teacher’s head spin.
Q. Why do we drive on a parkway but park on a driveway ?
A: A “parkway” doesn’t refer to parked vehicles; originally, parkways were roads that went through or connected public parks. In the 1800s, driveways were private roads that horse-drawn carriages used to travel from the main street to a house or garage. But today, space is more limited, so driveways are shorter and are often used to park vehicles.
Q. Why do drive-up ATMs include Braille writing if blind people don’t drive ?
A: Visually impaired people do use walk-up ATMs, and the law requires that banks have machines they can use. It’s cheaper to install the same keypads used on walk-up ATMs in the drive-up ones than it is to make new, Braille-less keypads.
Q. Why do airplanes have flotation devices, but not parachutes, under their seats ?
A: Commercial planes fly too high and too fast for someone to survive a parachute jump. Some jets soar over 40,000 feet, where there’s not enough oxygen in the air to breathe. Even at a lower altitude, skydiving passengers probably couldn’t clear the plane’s wings. And if they did manage to do so, it’s doubtful they could steer their parachutes and land safely without training. So, because passengers are a lot more likely to survive a water landing than a parachute jump, planes contain flotation cushions.
Australian toilets don’t swirl counterclockwise when flushed They don’t swirl at all—they flush water straight down the sides.
Q. Why do stores that are open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, have locks on their doors ?
A: Mostly it’s in case of an