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thing is, the first night Jordan and I hung out, I was all set to tell Lloyd that I’d been lusting after him since junior high. And then some, uh, circumstances got in the way, and things didn’t work out exactly according to plan.
    But then Jordan had to go and dump me for that stupid Internet girl, and Lloyd was being so supportive about the whole thing, and then last night when Lloyd and Jocelyn came over to say good-bye, I was getting all nostalgic, and I started thinking how things would have turned out if I’d never met Jordan. You know, like if Lloyd and I had ended up together. Which was a really stupid thing to start thinking about, since you should never start thinking about “what might have been,” and you should also never start thinking about another boy when you’re heartbroken over someone else. Although Jocelyn says the only way to get over someone is to get under someone else. So I started thinking maybe that was true, and maybe I needed to date just to get the one “jerk” out of my system, because, let’s face it, Jordan was my first real boyfriend, and who ends up with their first real boyfriend? Yeah, no one.
    Anyway, to make a long story short, I was feeling nostalgic and Jocelyn left early because she had to have her mom’s car home by eleven, and then it was just Lloyd and me, and right before he left he gave me a hug good-bye, and I kissed him. I know. And then, instead of pulling away, he kissed me back, and it turned into this whole big make-out session, and when he left, I started crying, because it turned out that:
making out with Lloyd was just weird, and not at all like I thought it would be
I should have made out with him sooner, because maybe then I would have gotten over him way before
turns out the best way to get over someone is NOT to get under someone else, because after Lloyd left, I missed Jordan more than ever.
    Anyway, now it’s totally weird, because I don’t know what happens next. Especially since Jordan and I are supposed to be stopping in North Carolina tomorrow to visit Lloyd (he’s taking a flight to NC later today), and Jordan’s brother, Adam, who also goes to school at Middleton. I suppose at some point Lloyd and I are going to have to talk about our hookup, which is going to be awkward. Or maybe we’ll just never mention it again. Stuff like that happens all the time, right? People hook up, and then realize it was a mistake, and since it would be way too awkward to talk about, they just don’t.
    “What’s Lloyd doing up so early?” Jordan asks, smirking.
    “Nothing,” I snap. I push the eject button on the stereo and pull out the CD that’s in the player, which has “Jordan’s Gangsta Mix” written on it in black Sharpie. I roll my eyes and replace it with my CD. “Wide Open Spaces” by the Dixie Chicks fills the car, and Jordan rolls his eyes.
    “Get used to it,” I say, turning back to my book. “We’re listening to country.”
    “Half and half,” he says, grinning. “The music on this trip will be fifty-fifty.”
    “Riiight,” I say. “Just like our relationship, right?”
    He doesn’t say anything, but when we pass the diner, he keeps on driving.

jordan before
    125 Days Before the Trip, 9:53 p.m.
    Courtney McSweeney is grinding on me like she’s in a number-one video on TRL . I reach around and pull her close to me, our bodies swaying to the music. She looks surprised, but pushes her body harder against mine. She’s always so quiet in math. And she definitely doesn’t dress like this in school. I catch Madison’s eye across the room and quickly look away, as if I’ve forgotten who she is. I’m not being a dick. Well, okay, maybe I am, but it’s only as a means to the end. The end, of course, being getting Madison to hook up with me.
    “Hey,” I say, pulling away from Courtney. “You want a drink?” She pushes her hair back from her face and smiles.
    “Sure.” She heads over to where the coolers are and I follow her.