salami?ââ
There was a roar of laughter. Ollie ate a handful of peanuts and thought: itâs wonderful what a scrummage in the mud will do, followed by a pint. Such simple male reassurances. Living with Viv, he needed them.
Diz, the captain, leaned over and whispered: âWhere did you find him?â
âWho?â
âOur Kenneth here.â
âHeâs my brother-in-law,â said Ollie.
Diz stared. âHeâs not!â
Ollie nodded. Over at the bar, Ken started another joke. He was one of the few men Ollie knew who improved with alcohol. Viv said he was like a car you had to handcrank to get going, but once the engine was started it could outrun the lot of them. That was in her more polite moments.
âHeâs a natural,â said Diz. âCan you bribe him to join the team?â
âHeâs not used to rugger,â said Ollie. âHeâs a soccer chap.â
âThat calibre, who cares?â
Ollie looked at Ken with new respect. And he could crack a joke. Put someone in an unfamiliar place, and after fourteen years they could still surprise you.
The front door slammed.
âOh oh, here they come,â said Viv. âOur Action Men.â
Ollie and Ken came in. Ken carried an off-licence bag, and they wore the sheepish look of those with three pints inside them.
âGood game?â Ann asked.
Ken nodded. âWe won.â
She smiled. âHow marvellous.â
He took a bottle of wine out of the bag. âA modest contribution.â He looked at Viv and Ann. âAnd what have you two girls been doing? Yackety-yak?â
âChrist,â said Viv.
âWatch it,â said Ollie to his brother-in-law.
Ken turned to him. âTheyâre angry with us. Weâre in the doghouse.â
âNo,â said Viv, a cigarette between her lips as she drained the sprouts. âI think youâre sweet.â
Ken looked disconcerted. Ann willed him to take care.
âSo he comes charging down the field,â said Ken.
Ollie turned to Viv. âThatâs that twit from the
New Statesman
.â
âBut you two saw to him,â said Viv.
âTall bloke,â nodded Ken, âbuilt like a beanpole. No muscle on him.â
âWhereas you,â she said, âsmall but perfectly formed . . .â
âSorry about my height, Viv,â he said stiffly, âbut I do keep myself in trim.â
The girls came in. Ollie raised his eyebrows at the dress. âWow Dais, you look like a middle-aged gospel singer.â
âOllie!â said Viv.
They sat down to lunch. Ken glanced at the clock; this was one of Vivâs three oâclock starts.
âI refuse to be intimidated,â said Ollie. âIn this murky, uncertain world, ruggerâs good clean fun.â
âItâs the last remnant of your poncy school,â said Viv, âIâve got rid of all the rest.â
âAnyway,â said Ollie, âitâs the only exercise I get.â
Viv said: âThe only exercise I get is sex and the stairs.â
Ollie laughed. Ken looked at her warningly. âLittle ears, Viv.â
Ann said quickly: âWhat about school? Thatâs exhausting, surely?â
âThatâs nerves,â said Viv, âlike being on stage.â
âAnd your allotment?â
âThatâs backache.â
Ollie turned to Ken: âThey were brought up in a bungalow.â
âI know,â said Ken. âWhat do you mean?â
âDonât ask me,â he said, and added darkly: âIâm sure it affected them.â
Viv said: âTwelve acres in Hertfordshire sure affected you.â
Ann smiled at them. âChildren!â
Viv turned to her. âWe thrive on class warfare, Ollie and me. Itâs the dynamic of our marriage. Weâre a microcosm of contemporary Britain. I climbed up from my class, with aspirations.â She pointed to Ollie. âHe climbed down