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like I had taught him. He had tucked in his lip like Mandy said that I always do. He’ll get there one day. I had to have faith in that. He’s not ready to start liking girls yet. It’ll come.
    “Good job,” I said.
    The look on his face broke me. Just a spilt second. Maybe I spooked him. Maybe that’s all it was. But he looked at me like he was shocked to hear me say that.
    When did I become the monster?
    “I love you, Dad,” he said.
    “I…”
    He cast his hook out too far. His line went down the river.
    “Reel it in, quick,” I said.
    He tried, but a piece of driftwood magically appeared, just in time to snag his line.
    “Just cut it,” I said.
    “I can do it.”
    “I said cut it.” He wasn’t going to listen. I flipped open my pocket knife and grabbed his line.
    He dropped his fishing rod before I could cut the line.
    The river took it.
    I said something. I said something awful, that’s all I would say. That’s what my stupid mind did without any good thought to rethink or rephrase it.
    “You shit.”
    Much to my surprise, Devin took it. He looked at me and his eyes burned.
    “I had it just fine,” he said.
    This was when he was supposed to turn and run to his mother. But he stood his ground.
    “We’re done here,” I said.
    “Yes, we are,” he said.
    “Devin. You go to your mother right now and tell her what you did.”
    “Yes, sir.”
    He might as well have told me to screw myself. He shook his head, shrugged, and repeated the act all the way back up the bank and to the campsite. I wanted to swing my fishing rod at him. I could just whip him, just a couple of times.
    No. I couldn’t be my father.
    I wouldn’t be my father.
    There was a scream inside me, primitive and violent. There was a rock I could punch, a tree, or I could just snap the rod. But I just stood there and seethed.
    It was the hangover.
    I wouldn’t have tried to cut the line if my patience wasn’t already gone. I would’ve had him do it. I would’ve taught him how to do it.
    Mandy arrived on scene.
    “Don’t even,” I said, and I shouldn’t have.
    “What happened?”
    “Didn’t he tell you?”
    “He said you’re angry. That you…”
    “I messed up,” I said.
    “You didn’t have breakfast,” she said. “Some greasy bacon and eggs will help settle your stomach. There’s aspirin in the first aid kit.”
    “I’m not a good dad. I’m just like him. I’m just like my father.”
    “Ben,” she said.
    “Don’t. You were right not to name him Benjamin. What an awful name. We are all awful. All six of us,” I said. “He’s a sweet boy. He’s going to be better than me. He’s going to get it all right. And he’s never going to forgive me.”
    “Ben, why don’t you go blow off some steam. I’ll take the girls for another nature walk.”
    “I’m screwing it up this time.”
    “We’ll head upstream, and come back around lunch time. Maybe you can get the burgers and dogs ready.”
    “Are you listening to me?”
    “I am, Ben. You just need to calm down. Devin is fine. He’s not crying, he’s not scared. He came to me and told me that you sent him away because you were mad.”
    “I’m the monster,” I said.
    “You’ll feel better once you eat something. I’ll buy you some time.”
    “Thank you,” I said.
    I felt like I told her that I loved her. I didn’t and I felt like I let the moment pass. But I lost the ability to speak when I saw Kristen standing there behind Mandy. That’s when I realized that Kristen had heard everything.

KRISTEN:
     
    I had to stop Devin.
    Seconds ago, I passed him.
    He told me what happened. The plan was in action. He told me to get ready then he started to provoke Jenny. I was supposed to keep our parents busy. I followed my mother and saw my father.
    He didn’t hate Devin. He really didn’t.
    He was so sad.
    We couldn’t go through with the plan. Not today. I don’t know what would happen if anything went wrong—or if we succeeded. Something wasn’t