good feeling goes away.
âLetâs see if you can take down an Olympian, Raul.â Heâs circling me, his arms wide and curved like heâs holding a huge beach ball. âAfter my injury they told me I could stay on and coach the Olympic team. Did youknow that? Big money, kids, thatâs what I walked away from. I came here. And you know why? Because itâs my mission to teach you how to find your place in this big bad worldâhow to claim it and how to defend it.â
My nose twitches the way it does when I smell a lie.
Why would he leave everything for nowhere?
âCrouch, Raul, crouch and circle. I know youâve got it in you. Every boy has a predator in him. How fierce is yours?â
Then he lunges at me. All six feet, three inches, two hundred fifty pounds of him. A big gulp of air comes out of my mouth. I think itâs my courage escaping.
Itâs about the time when Tuffman is holding me up in the air to show everyone a wrestling hold called âthe firemanâs carryâ that I begin to wonder if this is how the kids at his old school disappeared.
âIâve got my eye on you, Raul,â Tuffman breathes into my face as he puts me in a half nelson. âNo sneaking around. Got it? You stay out of my territory. It stinks anyway, right?â
âWhat territory?â Apparently terror makes me talkative. âWhat sneaking?â I ask.
He twists my arm back. I hear the watching kids gasp. From the corner of my eye I see the new kid stand up and take a step toward me.
Behind me, Jason says in a very thoughtful voice, âI didnât know your elbow could go that direction.â
The new kid cringes and sits down.
The pain is terrible. Like someone holding a hot iron to my bone.
âSee?â Tuffman calls over his shoulder to the rest of the class. His voice is really upbeat. âNow he canât move, not an inch, or heâll break his own arm. Consequences, kiddos.â He tweaks my arm a tiny bit more, and I swear my bone bends .
He leans down over me so that only I can hear. âOne wrong move, Raul, thatâs all. Just remember your place. Be the boy you are. Youâre not powerful enough to challenge me. So donât go trying to change things,â he says. âLeast of all yourself.â
He pushes my face into the mat as he gets up off of me.
âSee?â he says to the boys.
Iâm splayed out like roadkill. My body feels jumbled, like a box full of puzzle pieces. So does my brain. Everything he says has two meanings. The one he wants everyone to hear and the one just for me. Thereâs a picture here, but right now itâs just a pile of pieces.
âAll I had to do was stake out my space, my territory ,â he says to the class. âThatâs all there is to wrestling, kids. Thatâs all there is to life. Mark whatâs yours. Defend it to the death.â
Death? See, now that I get. That only means one thing.
I decide to lie on the mat until everyone has left. Especially the new kid. I canât look him in the eye. Iwanted to make an impression on him, but this wasnât the one I had in mind.
Finally I hear them open the ball cage. Everyone heads out to the field. I look at the bleachers. Iâm alone. I might have a cold. My head is stuffy and my nose feels runny and my eyes are all watery.
Am I about to cry?
I head to my room to change. Why did Tuffman have to do that in front of the new kid? Why didnât he demonstrate that hold on Mean Jack? Mean Jack would find it useful for his future career as a crime boss.
It makes me feel sick. I shouldnât have let Dean Swift and his dumb idea get me all excited. Some of us are born loners.
Tuffmanâs voice rings in my head. What did he mean when he called me a sneak? That joke I made about his breath smelling like the Blackout Tunnel was disrespectful, not sneaky.
And what does he mean when he says not to change? Does he mean