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the blood that was already there. I went out to the living room and took a fresh, unopened bottle of her gin. Just as I got my hand around it, I looked up and saw her watching me.
    I didn't even take my hand off it. I just stood there, staring her down. I was waiting for her to tell me to put it the hell back.
    I said, “Well?” I waited. Nothing. “ Do something.” Geez. I mean, stop me. Or something. “Try being a mother for a change.” She just turned her face away. I snorted at her. “You're pathetic,” I said.
    I took the bottle.
    I took it back up in the tree house. This time, I told myself, I'm not coming down. I drank about a fifth of the gin. It made my arm and leg muscles all runny inside. I knew it was too much, but I wanted that. I wanted too much. I did it on purpose. It's not like I had Bill to look after. When he was home again I wouldn't get drunk anymore. But he was gone, so whyshould I care? I wanted to see if there was a line, and what was on the other side. And if it was anything like disappearing. And how long it could make me feel whole.
    While I was doing that I saw her cart the pieces of lamp to the outside trash cans. She didn't even look mad. She just cleaned it up. She looked a little wobbly, though. Then she went inside, without even looking up at me.
    Just as she was walking away, I thought I wanted to say something. I almost said something to her. Like maybe I was sorry for what I'd said before. Like maybe I went too far even for me. But I froze in it. I couldn't figure out which was worse, to do that and not say sorry, or to have to admit how bad I felt. They both felt so awful that I just froze and couldn't do anything at all.
    After a while I saw the last light go off in the house.
    Now, as far as the part about not coming down, I was wrong. I was pretty deep asleep, or passed out, and I guess I must have rolled over to the right-hand side, the rickety side, because I heard this crack, and I was flying through the air, still too much asleep to get the message.
    I landed real hard on my left side and just lay there for a while. I was thinking, I know this means something, and in a minute I'll put my finger on what it is.
    When I opened my eyes I figured out it was morning. The light felt like fire in my eyes. My tongue felt all thick and fuzzy and I wasn't sure if I would throw up right then or just very soon.
    And to make matters worse, Snake was standing over me.
    “You okay, Cynnie?”
    “Maybe.”
    “Looks like we've got some repairs to do.”
    “I don't think so.”
    “What do you mean?”
    I sat up carefully and wrapped my arms around my knees, and pressed my forehead between them, where it was dark, and closer to safe. I said, “I've been thinking a lot about this disappearing thing.”
    “Disappearing how? You mean like magic tricks?”
    I said, “No. That's just it. I've decided there's no magic to it at all. I've decided I just have to get a lot more real about a lot of things.”
    “I don't read you.”
    I guess I didn't really expect him to. Because I'd never told him the beginning of the conversation. I hoped that didn't mean I was getting to be more like my mom.
    I said, “Maybe the two of us ought to disappear.”
    “You mean, like, for real?”
    “Yeah. Like, forever.”
    I opened my eyes just enough to see the look on his face. It was a mistake. The light almost made me sick. But his face was all open with surprise, like something wonderful and amazing had been led down the street in front of him. I sort of liked that about Snake. Some things actually made him happy, and he admitted it.
    “You and me?”
    “Why not?”
    “Does this mean you're my girlfriend?”
    Another wave of sickness, which may or may not have been related. I really hadn't bothered to think that part out. Or any of the rest of this, really.
    “Snake, you think of a way to get me out of this town forever and I'm your girlfriend.”
    “Cool.”
    “There's a catch, though. We're taking