Read The Vampire Diaries: Stefan’s Diaries #3: The Craving for Free Online Page A

the path. They fell back into polite conversation, while I kicked along silently next to them, berating myself for my slowed reflexes. What was wrong with me? I was a vampire. Removing myself from the Sutherlands’ presence should have been no hard task, even in my weakened state. An unpleasant thought rattled at the back of my mind, an alternate explanation, that I was still with this family because I wanted to be.
    “Mr. Salvatore, you’re awfully quiet,” Mrs. Sutherland observed. I stole a glance at Lydia, who gave me a smile, clearly acknowledging that her mother did not deal in subtlety.
    “Forgive me. It’s been a while since I’ve been in the midst of people,” I admitted as we turned on to the bridle path.
    Mrs. Sutherland squeezed my hand. If she noticed its icy pallor, she must have taken it for a chill. “Since you lost your father?” she asked gently.
    I nodded. That explanation was easier than the truth.
    “I lost a brother in the battle with Mexico,” Mrs. Sutherland confided, as we passed a little girl and her father walking a long-haired dachshund. “We were the closest of nine brothers and sisters. Despite our numbers, none of my siblings could ever replace him in my heart.”
    “Uncle Isaiah,” Lydia murmured. “I barely remember him. But he was always kind.”
    “I’m sorry to hear that. I did not mean to turn this outing into a sad affair,” I apologized.
    “Remembering and mourning needn’t always be sad,” Mrs. Sutherland pointed out. “It is simply . . . what it is. Keeping their lives present in our own.”
    Her words cast a true light through all the confusing thoughts that had been clouding my mind of late: how to remain in touch with my human side even as I embraced becoming a vampire, how to not lose my soul. Keeping the past present was paramount. Just as my memory of Callie kept me from attacking Bridget, my connection to my family, to the life that had once been mine, would help me keep my humanity.
    Though she didn’t resemble my own mother at all, for one instant, with the sunlight shining down through her cap and illuminating her graying hair, her sharp blue eyes softened with feeling, I suddenly felt she could be my mother. That, were the circumstances different, I could be happy in her home.
    Oh, how I missed my mother. While my deep grief for her had abated in the years since she had died, there was a dull ache that was never absent from my heart. How much of the tragedy that engulfed our lives could have been avoided if she were still alive?
    I missed my father, too. Up until the moment I killed him, I respected and loved him. I had wanted to follow in his footsteps, to take on the family estate, to please him as much as possible. My deepest wish had been that he could respect and love me back.
    I even missed my brother, or rather who he used to be. Though he vowed to get revenge on me for turning him into a vampire, in life he had been my truest companion in the world, my playful competitor and my closest confidant. I wondered where Damon was right now, and what harm he might be doing. I couldn’t judge his bad behavior—I’d had my share of bloodlust after I had turned. I only hoped his humanity would return to him as mine had.
    “You are a wise woman, Mrs. Sutherland,” I said, returning the squeeze of her hand. She smiled at me.
    “You’re a remarkable young man,” Mrs. Sutherland noted. “If I was your mother, I should be very proud of you. Of course, I have no sons, and only one son-in-law. . . .” She sniffed.
    “But, Mother, Margaret and I are each very accomplished, in our own way,” Lydia said, ignoring the pointed remark about son-in-laws. “She does the books for Wally. And I am helping to form that charity for mothers who lack a stable income.”
    Mrs. Sutherland cast a private smile at me, and in that moment I dared to hope. Perhaps it was possible to stay here, to become part of this family. It would be a dangerous game, but perhaps I