whispered to each other during lovemaking all the way to a fully-costumed session of role-playing, sexual fantasies can make your ordinarily great sex life extraordinary.Fantasies not only make your shared sex life sizzleâbut they can also take the intimacy you already share to the next level, deepening lines of communication and strengthening your feelings for one another. Fantasies are full of excitement, thrill, danger, ecstasy, romance, and possibility. And they are perfect for sharing.
Building a Fantasy Scenario
Do you get turned on when you remember a particularly hot sexual position, perhaps with a twist or two, such as taking it public or with a sexy stranger watching? Although less elaborate than intricately staged role-playingâno costumes or particular shades of lipstickâthe simplicity of fantasies based on remembered encounters belies their power to arouse.
Fantasy scenarios can take a premise like âsecret hand jobâ and give it a contextâlike a movie theater, a restaurant, your desk at work, or an elevator. Take the fantasy further and the secret hand job in the movie theater comes from the stranger sitting next to you; in the restaurant itâs from the waitress, and at the office itâs from someone who really wants that job youâre hiring for. And when you add costumes and props, clearly defined roles, a story line with a beginning, middle, and finish, you have smoothly transitioned to role-playing.
Basic fantasy scenarios come in limitless combinations, and I recommend using your intuition and your arousal as a barometer for determining what will work best for youâuse your groin, not your brain. Combine fantasy elements that both turn you on and naturally seem to go together: a sex act, an item of clothing, and a place, a predicament.
You and your partner can participate equallyâfor example, doing sixty-nine in the back of a car. Or one of you may call the shots, running the show, with the other enjoying the ride (or being âforcedâ to go along with it).
Here are some suggestions to get you started. You can make your own list of fantasy elements that get you hot and bothered. Or copy the lists below; you and your partner can jot down âyes,â âno,â or âmaybeâ next to each item to get a clear idea of what youâd both like to play with.
Sex Acts
Masturbation, touching or masturbating through clothing, anal sex, rimming, oral sex, fisting, hand jobs, external ejaculation, ejaculation in mouth, female ejaculation, vaginal penetration, strap-on sex, threesomes, two couples, multiple partners, sex toys, male receptive anal penetration, female receptive anal penetration, particular positions such as doggie-style, being the middle of a âsandwich,â face-sitting and âsmothering,â spanking, frottage (rubbing, as in a lap dance), sucking (nipples, clits, toes, cocks), licking (breasts, pussies, balls).
Clothing and Accessories
None (nude), panties, lingerie, menâs clothing, neckties, boxer shorts, work clothes, shoes, boots, high heels, leather, lace, rubber, silk, bandages, collars, handcuffs, leashes, clothesline, glasses, ribbons, bows in hair, pigtails, barrettes, short skirts, formal dresses, tiaras, sentimental items like wedding garters, iconic items like letterman jackets, slippers, bathrobes, towels, aprons, strap-ons, sex toys such as vibrators or large dildos, gloves, lipstick, no makeup, long or short hair, hair color (brunettes or blondes), chairs, a couch, a bed.
Places and Predicaments
Household (kitchen, bedroom, closet, bathroom, toilet), cars, garage, motorcycle, fireplaces, barn or woodshed, beach, bars, alleyway, rooftop, caught in the act, punishment, âforcedâ sex, wrestling, competition, strangers, exhibitionism, in public, in a park, at work, a gas station, machine shop, dungeon, sex party, poolside, watching porn (especially a particular sex act), one nude while